Virtual Postcard

7:21 AM-and I'm listening to a cajun version of "Amazing Grace"...

We made it in actually a half hour earlier than we were scheduled to. I have a GPS so we were able to rent a car and drive to Leonard's cousin R's (I'm using initials to protect their identities) house. They hadn't told their children, M and N, so I had James call M and act like he was still in MI. We drove up while they were on the phone and Nik videotaped walking in the door. The look on M's face was hysterical-she couldn't figure out what was going on.

On the up side, it's so very good to see them. We're all going on a road trip to San Antonio today... They've never been either, so it will be new for everyone. On the down side, I have a cold. A "I need to go lie down for a minute and end up waking up 4 hours later" type cold. But, it's been a good time so far anyway.

And we're off...

Thanks everyone, for your good wishes.

Packing By Way of Procrastinating

It always works for me. Bank? Check. Dog Food? Check. Cat Food? Check. Laundry done? OMG LOL. Bills paid? See previous answer. Of course, I should be doing all of this, and a report I need to get done before we take off tomorrow. But, instead, I am going to do this meme from Courtney, because it looks like fun.

Four Things....

Four Jobs I have had:

McDonald's
Waitress (for 28 days)
Cosmetologist (I still "dabble" with my license and close friends)
Real Estate Appraiser (What I still do, and what the heck was I thinking?)

4 places I've been

Ontario, Canada (many times)
Orlando, FL (once)
Los Angeles,CA (twice, because I am a bad sister)
Washington, D.C. (National Spelling Bee, with our daughter

4 movies I've watched over and over

Pretty in Pink
The Breakfast Club
The Wizard of Oz
Schindler's List

4 shows I watch

America's Next Top Model (*blush*, and I'm done after Saleisha)
Ghost Hunters (because it's on when I am working, and the kids are watching)
Project Runway (***deeper blush***)
ER (it has really gotten very good, and is filled with current issues, if you're an old fan)

4 places I'd rather be right now

With my husband (I'm not allowed to type that four times, am I?)
Sleeping peacefully
Houston (oh wait, that's tomorrow)
In someone else's shoes

4 people who e-mail me regularly (not too many do)

Diana (stop with the d*mned forwards already)
****man, this one is hard because, for me, regularly would mean someone who has emailed this month****
Jackie and/or Mel
RachD (that means a lot to me)
Richard (he used to email every day, but not so much anymore)


4 favorite things to eat

Trader Joes twisted bread sticks
Twizzlers
Baked fish
Pasta

4 places I've lived
***In the order I lived there
Grafton, WI
Winston Salem, NC
Greendale, WI
Clinton Twp, MI

4 things I look forward to this new year (Oh no...bear with me here)

The part where Fates decide this was all a big mistake
Traveling with the kids aka escaping
Our daughter's graduation (oh so bittersweet)
A time when this won't keep snowballing into periods of tremendous pain.

4 people I tag

EconFoodiebabyBuzz
Made In Heaven
I Got Two, Babe
Family Adventures

It is snowing like a snowy day in February out there. I hope it stops before tomorrow because I will begin pulling my teeth out with a pliers if any more plans fall through.

Destination set, reservations made...thanks Dad.

I spent most of this weekend thinking that I would end up taking the kids on a trip to North Carolina and Winston Salem, where I lived for awhile as a child. But, I couldn't make my mind up. My dad had come over. He suggested Chicago. Another cold, windy, dreary place...just on the other side of the lake. Yes, I know, Chicago is a wonderful place and I cannot wait to visit again. When memories don't stab (I hope that happens sometime) I will visit again. But Chicago is so very Leonard. So very Leonard and my childhood. It's an empty, hollow place for me right now, although I have always loved the museums (we often took school trips for WI) and my favorite zoo (Lincoln Park) is there. Another time...maybe.

Then, we looked into flights to LA to (finally) visit our 2 year old nephew and 3 year old niece...but... I just cannot do the things we did together. Just as I was giving up, ready to slam shut the top of this computer and ad popped up. "Last minute deals to Houston"... This is where Leonard's cousin (like a brother-see prev. posts) and his wife (one of my favorite people) live. And they had a good deal, with a rental car. So we'll be going there. Nothing like booking a flight in 10 minutes, when 20 mintues before you hadn't the foggiest, really, about what you would do.

It all comes down to needing to run away. Hoping it will ease some of this overwhelming crushed feeling I've been having lately. But realizing I really have no where to go hurts a bit. Where I want to be is an impossibility in this lifetime, and I think I shall spend the rest of looking for replacements.

James is really excited. Traveling with him has always been fun and I cannot wait to see him and his cousin together, if only for a little while, again.

Thanks again for your suggestions.

Our Little Girl

So it goes. They really do grow up. Sometimes, when she is sleeping or sick, I can still see the 2 year old, or the happy 6 year old dressing up for "our" wedding. She is a beautiful girl. This odd feeling of pride and hurt, happy and sad, started with the mail. She received her invitation to "Scholars Day" at the University that accepted her. This basically means that she qualifies for a scholarship (phew) and only has to go and be interviewed and attend events to determine the level of scholarship award. She is growing up...or grown already. The rest of the afternoon was spent getting ready for Snowcoming. I did her hair and makeup and her bestfriend's hair and makeup. All the while remembering them in their jumpers as grade schoolers. Oh tears go away. I remember thinking forward to them as high school seniors and thinking we had all this "time". But we didn't. Not really. She went off to get dressed. I helped pick the dress. The hat and boa were her idea... a different drummer for sure, for her. And I remembered last year's and the years before's dances. And how Leonard would look at his/our little girl- a mixture of pride, and fear, and disbelief. It was with a twinge that I realized, again, that this would be just us. No dad to worry and fret. And I swallowed as hard as I could so I wouldn't ruin their excitement or tinge her happiness with worries about my loneliness. And her friend, that handsome young guy above, came to pick her up. He has known them both from jumper days. And sometimes he reminds me of Leonard. Not in looks, but in chivalry. There are still boys out there who know this. And I thank their mamas. Off they went. And I closed the curtain in my mind over all of the scary things I think and worry about when my children are not by my side.

James and I went out to dinner with Poppy (my dad). To the Old Country Buffet, which doesn't hurt because it is a place my husband hated. I think I am repeating that from an older post. It was crazy busy. We were seated across from a group of girls that could not have been more than 14. I have never heard the f word said (no screamed) more in a 10 minute period than I have tonight. And I am not usually offended, that much, by its use. They went on and on. Yelling into cellphones and generally being more disruptive than one could even imagine. Finally, the manager came over and hushed them. Amazingly, they hushed and finished their dinner quite calmly.

James now sleeps, and I await Nik. I am lonely. A really huge lonely. An aching, "PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE make this not my life" kind of lonely. I think of the plans we were looking forward to. Of buying houses while I type up the reports that outline the dreams of other couples. Their houses. Their dreams. My loss.

Our Honeymoon...and other things

Some of your responses to my last post gave me an idea for this one. First of all, thanks so much for your ideas (and, JessT, I was going to drive out to New Jersey). I am trying to think of something/anything to just get us all out of the house, away from the snow, and the sad for awhile.

Leonard and I went to Niagara Falls for our honeymoon. It was my idea because we really had no idea what to do, didn't want to be gone for very long (his vacation time was pretty much used up), and didn't want to part with a whole lot of $$. So, I went to the travel agent--it was "back in the day"--and looked around for long weekend vacations. I found a package that included a train from Windsor,Ont (We live right across the river) to Niagara, with hotel included. So, I booked it. Leonard always wanted to take a train trip. After getting up at 6 AM the morning after our Wedding night...and then listening to two 7 year olds play action figures ("Pew!" "Pew!" "Kaboom!" for three hours, he got over ever wanting to do that again. But it was fun, to just be with him. We had a ready made family with 6 year old Nikki, so it was odd for it to be just the two of us. We did all of the honeymoon things, starting with telling the hotel staff it was our honeymoon, and getting freebies. Brides get into every attraction for *free* on their honeymoon. Although the price for one on some of the stuff was pretty expensive. We had our photo taken in front of "the falls", had dinner in the Skylon, took a bus tour that included the Carmelite mission, where Leonard stopped in and bought 18k gold charms of hope, faith and love for Nik. I swear she has more "real" jewelry than me because of her dad. We stood in long lines for the "Maid of the Mist" and "Journey under the Falls"...and... I had a zit. A really big one right on my chin. One that made us laugh like heck in our room. One that Leonard said I should put in a baggie to save for our "scrapbook"... We visited the "Ripley's Believe it or Not" Museum and so many of the attractions on Clifton Hill. We went to the Niagara Falls Museum and stuck our names up on the tree. We visited the Floral Clock and had our picture taken, all tourist-like, with a Mounty. And we loved each other. And had a great time, even though sometimes standing in line was annoying and the train trip was actually interminable and the walk to the Skylon tower in my heels from our hotel was a lot longer (and painful) than I thought. I have pictures from that night (I'll scan them maybe sometime) and he was never more handsome. Strike that, he was alwasy incredibly handsome.

I don't think that is a place I could go without him, for he is imprinted on the landscape there. But that was a great idea you guys and I thank you for thinking of it.

Today I did an appraisal on a HUGE house in the Pointes. For those not familiar with MI, the Pointes would be Grosse Pointe Woods, Farms, Shores, Park, and village of Grosse Pointe. Usually, in the big houses, you meet the nouveau riche-who are snotty and full of themselves- or the elderly, with even older money, who haven't updated their houses in over 80 years. Today, I entered a beautiful, traditionally restored home on one of the more prestigious streets... and I was impressed by its owner. He was, without trying, nice. We talked about their dog, their son (an only child who suffers from a debilitating illness but still leads a normal life), the restoration etc. He mentioned my husband and I said he had passed away. And he was truly sorry...and I believed him. A lot of times it doesn't come across as sincere so I usually ignore "husband comments" and act like I didnt' hear them... or, I lie. I lied this time as well. I said it was a car accident. I just didnt' want to share it all. I guess the moral of this story is that there are truly good people at all income levels.

When Plans Fall Through...

First, it was a friend that was going to come for a quick visit this weekend. She isn't feeling well and can't make it. We are sad, but we also know we can see her another weekend (hopefully) this month. Then our big plans, our getaway, fell through... and it sometimes seems like nothing is ever destined to go right again.

We were going to go to the East Coast to get away next week. To visit friends. We were supposed to go to their wedding in September...and then, well you know and I don't want to type it again right now. Then, we were going to visit after Christmas and Nicole got sick. So I thought mid winter break would be a good idea. But, unforseen plans popped up for them and I completely understand. I'm just heartbroken and too tired into looking into anything else.

I am beginning to think that perhaps I shouldn't plan for anything.

Maybe tomorrow I will wake up and things will look better and I'll be able to plan something really quick. James was especially looking forward to a trip and I can't break his heart.

And I am letting myself think about things, little things, that I shouldn't be. I make it through the entire day and the, when night comes, the tears just don't stop... and the memories (how will they ever be happy without him to reminisce with?) intrude. I am so tired.