Between Then and Now

When I think back on the last year, I realize that we were busier than it appears when I slog through yet another day. There is so much I want to update, and so very hard to begin.

Let's begin with James. It was a great and awful year all at the same time. I know that sounds ridiculous but it will make sense (sort of) in a minute. He was gobbled up by the Texas machine, otherwise known as football, last Fall. Along with the trepidation of thinking that each second he will be flattened on the field, is the realization that it was really good for him. James, as is a family trait, has anger "issues". His grief often, at 12, manifests itself as frustration and sometimes unabated mad at the world. In football he can gather up a lot of it and throw it out...leaving it somewhere between the hash marks. As long as he doesn't get hurt and/or we have insurance. Yes it's the over protective mother in me. I can't help it. Because we are both big (Go Packers---except he's a Lions fan) fans of the game, we found a restaurant that plays all NFL games every weekend. The management either fell in love with him and/or felt sorry for his Lions fanness and, most weekends, seat him in his own private section with sound, to watch the game. I am forced to watch the Packer game, without sound, on a side screen.

Nicole spent the winter with us. She's I guess what you would call an anti-college student. Spends the winters off, and works the summers at Cedar Point. As usual, she lands on her feet and was promoted to a supervisory position. I can only hope that one day she will revisit the hallowed halls of an institute for higher education. This year, at least, I talked her into getting health insurance through her job.

Me? I've been working a few hours at the corner store. To get out of the house and meet new people. And what people I have met. In three hours at the store, one can learn that A. most people hire someone else to do their lawns (they all heat up their lunch here), B. A lot of my neighbors enjoy a beer...or 24 every day, and C. There's a reason why many convenience stores only allow employees to use the bathroom.

Well, that lasted for a very long time...

Blogging was helpful for me. And then I began to feel as if it was too much navel gazing and not enough action. So I acted. And made lots of mistakes and found out I was actually acting, and not living. I have, over the past 12 months, been in a suspended state. Living without really putting the effort forth. I realized then that blogging was more than just writing down just how awful things could be. It was a way to work through (or attempt to work through) the grief, the pain, the fear.

And so...

Here I am again. I hope you'll still have me.