What's That You Say??

James and I were driving to the mall tonight to meet a friend. He was flipping through the channels, and not finding much of anything. Hard to believe he can find not much of anything on an XM radio but there you have it. A few minutes into it he turns to me and says, "Hey, look! They changed the name to the Holy Channel." Say what? Yes, that's right. The Holy...er...Holly channel is already up and running on XM and I couldn't be more irritated about it. Really? Does this mean I can just skip Thanksgiving? Can I just tell you that I really don't want to walk down holly bedecked mall halls yet?

It was a good night. We met the friend, did some shopping (I'm not telling you what for because there will be more laughing and pointing of fingers) and then tried to catch part of my niece's basketball game. Okay, not really. We were trying to find her mother to give her something we bought her. We stopped by her house, and while we were standing there waiting for her to not come to the door, I remembered the game. We got there with 22 seconds to spare. I am a terrific aunt. I am a terrific aunt because I make other aunts look better when they show up at the halfway mark. Hey, I remembered...sort of...at least.

The "Black Friday" leaks are out...While a Blue Ray for $78 sounds fun, I think I'll be sleeping. I did "Black Friday" once and realized that, by the end of the morning, all of the things that I had purchased could have been purchased at noon for the same price.

Addiction

Heavy title, right? It won't be (in fact I'll wager you'll be pointing your finger at me and laughing) by the end of this post.

I have an addiction, it's serious, and none of my good friends can help me with it. In fact, most times they aid and abet me.

Twilight...or, more specifically, Edward. Full. Blown. Addiction/Obsession/whatever. Why? It's not the writing (not especially well written) not the movie (if Kristen Stewart blinks her eyes 45 times with each line in "New Moon" I swear I'll only go back to see it again only once...maybe twice).

I think it's because, and this is silly even for me, he reminds me so much of Leonard (no not the vampire part).

I submit:
1. First and foremost-the overwhelming need and desire to protect every single person he cares for.
2. The clothing. Back in the "day" (1988 to be exact) my darling danced to the beat of..strike that...shop at the stores of...no... he just wore different clothes than everyone else.
3. The attitude. Anyone who knew him knew that Leonard belonged in a completely different century.
4. A myriad of other things that I'm just too tired to write here (trust me).

Or...

It's because I've got a thing for Robert Pattinson and have ever since Harry Potter and I've just finally found a way to rationalize...

Anyway, there it is. The first step to getting better is to admit you have a problem. Except now I wish I liked the taste of alcohol.

Another funny side note: I was the woman pointing and laughing at all the people lining up outside of Barnes and Nobles at 10 PM for a midnight book release, and mocking the "lack of life there, people". I have become the girl who calls her TX BFF repeatedly to see if she's "got them yet?" in reference to movie tickets. Someone stop me. There's children involved.

Days Like Today...

...are the reason why I moved here. I can wake up, walk outside in my jammies (no worries, it's a high fence) and sit for awhile. I need to remind myself of that...often. Especially on days when the overwhelming urge to chuck it all and run again sets in. For I have been contemplating chucking. But I can't. I will do this. I must.

Whoever said that, in many ways, the second year is harder than the first was right. My absence here is indicative of a general absence I had for life...save for James, and his wellbeing. There was a gradual backslide again. A getting up, but not getting dressed. Writing the bills, doing the laundry (sort of), answering the phone (sometimes), getting together with friends (again, sometimes). The crushing shock of not seeing him walk through the door eased. The numbing, trudging, drudgery of the reality of a life without him set in. I handled it. Not well.

A positive is that I see healing in James. Gone are the mornings spent begging for a day off of school. While he still does not like school too much, he grudgingly goes along with the plan. He has friends. He has plans. He is a bright spot. He will be okay. This, I make sure of.

I am still trying to find ways to tether myself. I have temporary tethers: mainly the raising of James. He will grow up and he will be strong, and I will be proud to see him walk on to his future. And then what? This is what I push into the pantry and close the door on. Waiting to boil it up on another day.

We have had many visitors in the last year. As joyous as it is to see them walk through our door, the pain of them leaving sometimes leaves me breathless. Tiny little deaths strung along through the months.

Well Golly, I apologize for the morbidity of this entry. But the sun is shining, a new day has begun and I am still trying. I really am.