Friday, February 1, 2008

Snow Days, Laziness, and Dinner with a Friend...

Courtney brightened my day with this wonderful award. Courtney, herself has a way with words, and two adorable little girls that she shares with a wonderful husband. Hers is a blog I visit to smile. I encourage you to wander on over and see what she's up to. She's definitely worth the visit. And thank you, Courtney. To know that people enjoy reading my writing means a lot more than I could actually put down in written words. I'm going to think on who I will nominate because everyone on the blogroll on the right, and the blogs I end up surfing to off of theirs, are worthy.

Those? Those up above are pictures of me now. A face with a name and all. I am not the fresh faced girl to the right anymore. My daughter gets to be that now.

Today, to my children's immense happiness (not to mention mine because I thought I could sleep in), school was cancelled due to snow. Nicole already knew that she would not have school. Her school is quite a distance (35-ish miles) away and they often call it at a hint of snow. Or cold weather. Or a monsignor's birthday. Or...sometimes for no real definable reason that we can figure out. It often irritates her brother and it is rare that his school calls it...even when 4 inches have fallen by 7 AM over a sheet of black ice. Because they care... and they like to get back at the teachers who forced them to hold to a contract that had already been cut by---well by endangering the lives of the children.

We lounged around most of the day... watching some of Netflix movies. Crash and Degrassi Jr. High. Actually I watched Crash (no I had never seen it before and found it to be an interesting view on not only black/white relations but also the many other nationalities that make up Los Angeles. And I cried a lot. And Matt Dillon looked so much like my husband in his v-neck tshirt that I cried some more, and more because his character is so unlike Leonard that it messed me up...because those types of things happen to me now for no real good reason. I didn't even manage to "put the bed away" i.e. fold up the couch that I sleep on at night. We did, however, get to Costco. Costco=bad in a good way. I absolutely needed a big bag of M&M's and we needed the Havarti cheese, and the makeup. In my defense, I did buy some energy saving light bulbs, so there's that. Also, we picked up dinner for my father's girlfriend. She had Lasik surgery today and I thought it would be nice to bring something over. Costco has a really great swedish meatball platter that's all put together and just needs to be heated. We bought that and some chicken parmesean, caeser salad, and those yummy ---5 are nothing so why not have 10-cream puffs that you thaw and eat. There were only the four of us, but you never know. It worked out perfectly. As we were pulling up in her driveway, she was rummaging in the kitchen for something to eat. Yay, us. We had also picked her up a bouquet of carnations, which I learned in random, idle chatter, were her favorites. Mine too! They last a lot longer than roses. The one time Leonard bought me flowers (I am not so very big on flowers and, after August, really don't care if I never see another arrangement again) it was 3 dozen carnations in party colors...after we lost one of the babies. Some would say, Wow! He only bought you one bouquet in all your time together??? And I would say, yes...because he "got" me. In a way that no one else ever has. I am going to miss that more and more as time goes by. Oh how I wish time would not go by.

I also, rather stupidly, colored my hair last night and then cut it today. (I can do this because I have a license *snort*) James asked me to. And then he told me I looked 10 years younger (what a wonderful little boy I'm raising). I said,"You mean I look 27?!!!" and he answered,"Never mind..." He is a delight.

Thursday, January 31, 2008

I is a High School Graduate...

God, can I totally not spell or what? My trusty blogger spell check hasn't been working and I just read my last post and GAaaaaah! Also Yeeesh! Why do you people keep coming back? Whatever the reason, I love you for it.

Godspeed John and Elizabeth...

Apologies, I guess, for this lands on the side of the political. But it really is so much more.

Yesterday really ripped me up. Watching John Edwards drop out of the race was another of those affect-me-more-than-I-thought-it-possibly-could moments. You see, it's a two point thing. Point One: My husband adored John Edwards. I found out after his death (god it's killing me to post that still...he can't really be gone)that he had become quite the active little politico. Many donations had been made. I found this out from logging into his email (it broke me to find out his login was my full name). When we met he was a Libertarian. My love of all things Howard Dean broke him and he actually started attending events and campaigning. I have been, in the past, very active. That's over now. My husband actually converted diehard, one issue voters into Edwards supporters. And now we are left with candidates who will not carry a nation (in my opinion). The death of Edwards campaign almost walks hand in hand with the loss of my husband. He would be so disappointed.

Point Two: I love Elizabeth Edwards. She is my "girl crush" (well, so is Tyra, but I'm a little upset with her after last ANTM so...) I actually wished Elizabeth would consider a run. Here is an accomplished woman and mother. I mean, who would have thought that, given the Dr. Laura mentality of so many. When she was diagnosed with breast cancer, and fought it publically and with such grace, I fell more in love. When it came back my heart broke. When John Edwards quit the race my first thoughts were of her...and my hope that she is well and that his decision had nothing to do with her health. But he looked a bit broken, and I've never seen him have trouble speaking. And I heard a trembling in his voice that was never there before. And I thought of them both, and how I hope and wish and send all the vibes in the world that he will not have to join so many of us on this young widowhood journey. And that the world is not about to lose a woman who would have made a wonderful first lady-embodying true class, grit, grace and illustrating that motherhood and career are, indeed, possible. Elizabeth, be well. Please be well.

***on the plus side I recently found out I fit into a skirt that I've held onto since high school. On the negative side, I would not recommend this "diet" to anyone.

Wednesday, January 30, 2008

Back from H*ll (sort of) and a Meme

Hi. And sorry. I have been struggling this last week. The brick wall became almost more than I could handle, my belief in my abilities faded and I let the words of those who really have no idea bother me...far too much. In a momentary lapse, I begged for a little karma to bite them in their butts. But, I would not wish this hell on anyone, in reality. In fact, I cannot handle it most minutes myself. But, I am okay. I am. I am. I am still getting up and doing things and being something. Only the missing him is killing off little bits of me that used to care about certain things. And that does bother me.

I know that the paragraph above makes hardly any sense. But, don't worry. It doesn't make sense to me either. Suffice to say, I am still alive. I am just having trouble dealing.

Donna, this Donna, tagged me for a meme. So that is what I will do for right now. Thank you Donna, for tagging me.

5 Things about me:

1. Even after living the entirety of my life in the frozen North (with the exception of a few years in the Carolinas), I cannot stand cold weather.

2. I have high (think astronomically, wtf high) blood pressure and a heart arrythmia which I control daily with Toprol, Tambocor and Diovan. It used to scare me. It doesn't anymore.

3. In the 7th grade 8 of my poems were published and my father went on to purchase about 20 of the books. I think 14 of them are still banded together in a box somwhere.

4. My husband carried a picture of me when I was 10 around in his wallet, which he would show to people saying, "This is my wife." He was charmingly crazy like that, only I can't think about him or us right now because it would kill me.

5. This is really not a "thing" about me but my daughter was a participant in the 2002 National Spelling Bee in Washington D.C. It was the most surreal moment of our lives.

and one for good measure:

I suffer from Rheumatoid Arthritis, only I don't like people to know that or about my heart. It is an immune system disease that will eventually mess with my hands and feet and knees and any other joint you can think of. Only I don't wallow in it because, really, what can you do? I have read the blogs and posts of others who have said they suffer from this only a lot of it doesn't make sense. There are radical treatments for this disease, and a lot of them help. Remicaide is one. One does not catch it from an old injury. The pressure of using a cane or crutches is too much on my hands so I don't use them and when I read of people who rely on them it makes me wonder. At the end of the day I end up just feeling very sad for those who define themselves in that manner. Anyway RA isn't who I am, it's just a thing. Now that you know this, please throw it away and don't let it define me for you.

I am throwing in some pictures because I haven't done that of late. Nicole with, my father's cat. She looks all cute and kittenish-y there, but she's not and she would hurt you if she wanted to.

And James with the new "do" that a friend gave him. He actually thought it looked "cool". I am dating myself here because I thought he looked quite a bit like a cross between John Taylor of Duran2 and George Michael, The Wham! years. He was going to do his hair that way the next morning...and then he got his wits back.