Wednesday, December 10, 2008


It really is, when I think of it. No, I'm not saying it's amazing that I'm actually here posting this evening. It's been such a whirlwind of trying to get things done, and procrastinating and last minute doctors/dentists/car appointments that I rarely have time to share anything. And I am sorry. For those of you on Facebook, oh I'm having fun playing there with you. But, I'm winding down another road when I mean to speak of other things.

It is amazing. Amazing how much can change in 1 year and (almost) 4 months. I would never have dreamt that this would be me---what I was doing---here, with these boxes and stuff. How amazing...the support I have received from friends and some family. And the support far outweighs the naysayers. Really there are only 3 and a half (I'll explain the half later) naysayers. The two being my mom and my brother.

As I've mentioned, my mother cannot compute this. Nor does she want to. For reference, I don't and never have expected her to or wanted much from her. It's the way we are. Before I could "play along" with the mind game of the day. I had Leonard to dump it on. Leonard to make it okay. Leonard to come home to. I don't have that anymore. She thinks I'm stupid, she thinks I'm not there for her in her hour of need, she says I am "taking her last grandchild" (Nicole is apparently sliced bread) from her... She held open the door and told me to leave. So I did. Funny...I don't feel that awfully bad about it. I can't. It's not in me anymore. I tried my best as a child, young, and then married, woman. As a widow, I suck at comradeship with her. I care to much about my lost husband. Along side her, goes my grandma. Too twisted up in herself (as the elderly often do) to see that I have been there for her, that phones can be picked up on her end. Nutshell=lack of empathy. Again...okay. I don't need it. So many have gone out of their way in their support of me.


The half=a mother in law who has a tongue that is split neater than Lincoln's rails. She supports me and yet doesn't when talking to others. A second phone call (remember that ill fated call to my father last year) to my father attempting to play the victim who never gets to see the grandson I have given her open access to. I do think she truly wants to support us, but that old competitions die hard for her. I just want my son to be happy. I don't want him to be burdened by the family guilt that so plagued his father. She knows (and I hope she admits to herself) that she has an open invitation to our new home.

So...we're ready. T-minus 4 days...