Introducing...Old MacDonald and Stewart Kittimus Prime

It is amazing because this little boy is very shy and ended up with the lead role in his school musical because...well...because he wasn't there that day and no one else raised their hand so...there you go. Old MacDonald-Stage debut in EIEI--Oops! He was wonderful and I had been so worried because he had become an inconsolable little monster with fretting about it, begging me to email his teacher and beg off...telling me I was a horrid mother etc... So I didn't invite anyone to the Spring Concert because I didn't want him to be embarassed. Then he went and blew them all away. Ad libbing these little overall hitches that had people rolling. Not on purposely swaying in the wrong direction most times during songs...then realizing he was getting laughs and continuing to do it. His music teacher winked at thim the whole time over it. I was proud...and also sad because, again, no dad. And I watched dad's carrying crying, bored little ones out. I watched a toddler walk up the steps shouting "Dada"... and was sad. Also, one of the classes sang "Grandma's Feather Bed", which was one of Leonard's favorite Denver songs and there was a beautiful piano solo of "Yesterday..." We celebrated with high 5's from everyone and ice cream.

And the second part of this post is to introduce you to Stewart Kittimus Prime. Yes, we love our black cats in this house and have always named them Merlin, but there is still a Merlin here. So he is Stewart (after Jon) and Kittimus Prime after Optimus Prime because Nicole is a Transformers Geek...of course, so am I...but only a little bit. I would have been happy with just Stewart, but now everyone is happy. He's a sweet little cuddly guy.

Graduation Day

What I've Done---Linkin Park

In this farewell
There’s no blood
There’s no alibi
‘Cause I’ve drawn regret
From the truth
Of a thousand lies

[Pre-Chorus]
So let mercy come
And wash away
What I’ve done

[Chorus]
I'll face myself
To cross out what I’ve become
Erase myself
And let go of what I’ve done

Put to rest
What you thought of me
Well I cleaned this slate
With the hands
Of uncertainty

So let mercy come
And wash away
What I’ve done

[Chorus]
I’ll face myself
To cross out what I’ve become
Erase myself
And let go of what I’ve done

For what I’ve done
I start again
And whatever pain may come
Today this ends
I’m forgiving what I’ve done

[Chorus]
I’ll face myself
To cross out what I’ve become
Erase myself
And let go of what I’ve done

What I’ve done
Forgiving what I’ve done

Our day started with this. This song. One, because it is Nicole's favorite movie, and her brother loves the song. I find the song makes me think of my husband-to where it almost sounds like his thoughts-but I was determined we would have one of Nicole's beloved "Dance Party" like moments this morning. We cuddled on the couch and sang "Happy Graduation Day" to our sister/daughter...and then got dressed.

And then the serious tears started. The night before I had given her a diamond peace pendant (you can see it in the photo with her brother) and made it from her Dad. I knew it was what he would have done...if he were here. I found the perfect card to go with...words that I know he would have used...I signed it "Dad"...

And we were off to the church. Her friend Michelle (pictured above) who has been like a daughter to us since she first came into our house to spend after school hours when she was ten...after the death of her own beloved father. That's Nonny in the middle (my daughter's grandmother and my mom). Tears at quotes like "I have learned that those we love and cherish the most are gone too soon..." To seeing my ( I swear to God she was only 3 yesterday) baby walk up to get her diploma, Pomp and Circumstance, tassels turned, hugs from beloved teachers... the tears welling up in my own father's eyes. All of it at times becoming to much. This yearning to feel my husband's suited shoulder up against mine...like all the other parents there in the church. Not to be. He would have been so proud of that NHS sash... He would have found her the most beautiful and accomplished young woman there. He was there, I have to believe that even as I go slowly crazy from all of this... I have to.

And onward to James's opening day for baseball season. Where my beautiful boy, who grows to look more like his daddy each day, got 3 hits, 3 RBI's and played a mean first base. Not bad for his first year.

God, it feels good to type here tonight.

Nicole is off to Senior lock in...James is up a little later than usual due to the chaos of the day. All is normal....except... There will always be that exception to kill me in the quiet hours.