Sunday, March 16, 2008

Weekend over

Another one over. Sunday is truly the toughest day. I need to get a hobby. I used to have hobbies but none of them (scrapbooking, reading etc) appeal to me now. Scrapbooking includes looking at pictures that I'm not ready to. Everytime I pick up a book my mind doesn't focus on it. I did manage to read "Rhett Butler's People" and retain most of it but all I have read since I couldn't tell you about. I have actually sent books along the wire, and then not been able to recall the story line when the sendee brings up the book.

Right now my hobby includes sitting in Krandall, one leg hooked over the side and staring at the television. You would not believe the weight I have lost with this new hobby. I would be come a world traveler, if I could afford it. That first day of the "running away" is almost a bit exciting. We are taking off to visit my aunt and uncle in San Antonio (different people, last time it was Houston) at the end of March. And then Los Angeles in July ( I dread that one...), and maybe Disney in September. Of course I say these things and then change my mind.

I have found that I might need to stop appraising altogether. The market is horrible here and I cannot bring myself to appraise people's broken dreams (i.e. foreclosures). These are not huge, overbought homes (well, some are but not most) they are little slices of dreams lost...and I can't do it. We had one where the owner had died by suicide in the back bedroom and I could not make myself go there. It caused quite a bit of trouble with the bank but I can't and I won't. Plus, the appraisal business was a business we started together. The sparkle in my husband's eye when things really started moving. The increased financial abilities (read: savings)...all of it our plans. So, I think I will just take some time off. I still type for an older mentor of mine but that's about all I can take.

I also find myself wondering what to do about Michigan. This was his state. I hated it when I moved here at 12. I grew to love it as his girl and then, later, his wife. It is his stomping grounds and not mine. And I sometimes think I would be better off getting far, far away. Good for me...Good for the family that can't fix it for me. In a nutshell, unsettled. So unsettled that I (yes I) have thought of getting a small tattoo. Anyone who knows me IRL would be stunned, flabergasted even, by that idea. Just a small one, his signature, over my heart. Maybe someday but I don't think I am stable enough to go ahead with something so permanent at this time. Plus, he hated tattoos so it wouldn't really be a memorial, it would almost be a spit at...

Tessie once said that she sometimes starts a blog entry with nothing to write about... That's what this one was. Thanks for coming along for the ride.

21 comments:

Erin said...

Gosh I don't know. I can only imagine how hard Sundays must be. They can be hard ANYWAY.

I like the idea of starting something new, a new hobby or interest. It's easier said than done, but I don't know. I'm probably going to sound seriously lame here, but what about taking up birding? Or cooking? Or maybe consider adopting a pet? I know that sounds wierd, but I got my first dog at a very hard time in my life and it totally HELPED. It really did. Again, probably all lame suggestions, but that's where my thoughts went when I read this post.

Rach said...

Yay, you did it, another Sunday passed! :o)

I don't hate them quite as much as I did. Of course, with the weather improving and us able to get outside, it helps quite a bit. Maybe you should consider moving further south, away from the ice and snow. Virginia is quite lovely, you know. ;oP

HUGS!

Stella said...

Thanks for the ride! :) It was quite a pleasant trip.

It has been exactly 26 years since I moved away from Michigan. In many ways it still feels like home, but the only things I truly miss are the Springs and Autumns.

(((HUGS.))) I hope you feel at "home" again soon, whether you stay in Michigan or choose a new place to live. (Oklahoma is nice, BTW.)

Love,
Stella

Angie said...

Next available Sunday, we meet in the afternoon for coffee?? What do ya think? Obviously Easter is out, how about the 29th? We could meet in "disfunctional City" I think that would be about the halfway point.

Anonymous said...

Looking back on the memory of
The dance we shared beneath the stars above
For a moment all the world was right
How could I have known you'd ever say goodbye
And now I'm glad I didn't know
The way it all would end the way it all would go
Our lives are better left to chance I could have missed the pain
But I'd of had to miss the dance
Holding you I held everything
For a moment wasn't I the king
But if I'd only known how the king would fall
Hey who's to say you know I might have changed it all
And now I'm glad I didn't know
The way it all would end the way it all would go
Our lives are better left to chance I could have missed the pain
But I'd of had to miss the dance
Yes my life is better left to chance
I could have missed the pain but I'd of had to miss the dance

Shelly said...

I think a tattoo would be a lovely memorial. It would be private. Like you said, his signature on your heart. No one else would have to know. It wouldn't even matter what he would have thought of it. It would be a way to keep him close to you always.

Marshamlow said...

Happy St. Patty's day. I hope you have a good week. I need to find a hobby too. I was thinking about joining a volunteer group for the one day a week I get off.

Emblita said...

I totally understand the idea of wanting to go somewhere different when everything is so difficult and laden with memories where you are now.
When I was younger I was picked on at school- to a point where I was having serious psychological problems and all the grief, anger and sense of futility that comes with that. I was getting a bit better but somehow being stuck here made me feel like I'd never really be able to get over the trauma. So one day I had an opportunity to move away (half-way across the world to Hawaii) and I went for it. Starting over there- where no-one knew me, or had any pre-disposed ideas of who or what I was became the lift I needed to start feeling good about myself.
I realize that the circumstances are completely different from yours. But still, sometimes running away isn't a bad thing. It can help break the cycle.

Courtney said...

I hope your upcoming trips will lift your spirits a little as they give you something to push forward to. You are always in my thoughts!

Kathy said...

Hugs to you Laura. I am a native Michigander... I left the state twice, once at 17, then went back again years later at a tough time in my life. I enjoyed being close to family but Mich is just too dark, grey and damp for me. I left again after a few years and I love the west.
Hobbies... a tough one, you have to feel like it to start one, and how do you go about starting one if you just don't feel like it?
One the other hand, you are an excellent writer. Maybe your writing is a hobby already? I predict... one day you will publish and we will all run out to buy autographed copies.
If you make the trip to L.A. be sure to allow extra time to run up to Northern Cali so a few of your Californian readers can show you around up here. Seriously!

Donna said...

My Mother use to say, "when you don't know what to do, don't do Anything"...It works...much love to you sweetie!hughugs

Anonymous said...

Come on down to Nashville. It's nice and warm and the people are very friendly. Lots of former Michiganders live here too--so you won't be the only one with a northern accent ;)

Your family is in my thoughts!

Nance said...

Sundays are hard for a lot of people who aren't in your tough circumstances. They are a major transitional day. My husband detests them. He feels immobilized by them, weighted down by the fact that they lead to another work week, and he doesn't even hate his job. I find them a bit amorphous myself. No matter if I load them up or keep them free, Sundays are a bit irksome.

Jeanette said...

Maybe a change of state is just what you need, Laura. I'm sure there are memories on every corner, and you could start anew. We've thought about moving out of state, although we are doing fairly well here considering the horrible economy. If we did move it would be for a warmer climate. We love it out west in Arizona or Nevada. But Michigan has been home for my whole life and it breaks my heart to see things so bad here. Whatever decision you make I'm sure it will be the right one. God Bless.

red tin heart said...

John really didn't care for tatoos either, but I am getting because he died and left me. I want twin hearts with our initials on them.
I have thought about it for ahile. Elizabeth got one 3 weeks ago. A small one.
He would be shocked at his girls behaving this way. But we are mad at him for being gone.
xoxo Nita

KamaAina said...

Hmmm... out here on the sacred 'aina (land), the landscape may be cratered, but the real estate market hasn't, yet... the islands are also widely believed to be a very healing place. Just a thought...

J at www.jellyjules.com said...

I can't advise you in any way, but I have always thought that if I were to lose my husband, I would move away from everything that reminds me of him. But now that I'm older, I kinda think a new place would be just as bad, because I'd be wanting to tell him about the new stuff as well. Sigh. So really, I'm no help at all.

Classic Charm said...

Laura,
I've been away...busy with life. But I stopped in to say hello and well to say that I'm thinking of you and wishing you peace. I read back on your previous posts, so I'm all caught up again. I'm glad you made it through another Sunday, wish I could give you a big hug dear.
Hugs,
Rose

Tessie said...

It totally works, doesn't it? Everyone has something to say. I really believe it.

Gina said...

If you come out to LA, I would love to meet you, Laura.

And yes, there are a lot of bad things about SoCal, but it's not too bad of a place to live if you ask me!

becomingkate said...

I got a tattoo on what would have been Dale's 36 Bday. It was one of his Japanese calligraphy characters that he drew before he died.
it means 'enlightenment' and no one sees it, but I know it's there.
*hugs*