Wednesday, January 30, 2008

Back from H*ll (sort of) and a Meme

Hi. And sorry. I have been struggling this last week. The brick wall became almost more than I could handle, my belief in my abilities faded and I let the words of those who really have no idea bother me...far too much. In a momentary lapse, I begged for a little karma to bite them in their butts. But, I would not wish this hell on anyone, in reality. In fact, I cannot handle it most minutes myself. But, I am okay. I am. I am. I am still getting up and doing things and being something. Only the missing him is killing off little bits of me that used to care about certain things. And that does bother me.

I know that the paragraph above makes hardly any sense. But, don't worry. It doesn't make sense to me either. Suffice to say, I am still alive. I am just having trouble dealing.

Donna, this Donna, tagged me for a meme. So that is what I will do for right now. Thank you Donna, for tagging me.

5 Things about me:

1. Even after living the entirety of my life in the frozen North (with the exception of a few years in the Carolinas), I cannot stand cold weather.

2. I have high (think astronomically, wtf high) blood pressure and a heart arrythmia which I control daily with Toprol, Tambocor and Diovan. It used to scare me. It doesn't anymore.

3. In the 7th grade 8 of my poems were published and my father went on to purchase about 20 of the books. I think 14 of them are still banded together in a box somwhere.

4. My husband carried a picture of me when I was 10 around in his wallet, which he would show to people saying, "This is my wife." He was charmingly crazy like that, only I can't think about him or us right now because it would kill me.

5. This is really not a "thing" about me but my daughter was a participant in the 2002 National Spelling Bee in Washington D.C. It was the most surreal moment of our lives.

and one for good measure:

I suffer from Rheumatoid Arthritis, only I don't like people to know that or about my heart. It is an immune system disease that will eventually mess with my hands and feet and knees and any other joint you can think of. Only I don't wallow in it because, really, what can you do? I have read the blogs and posts of others who have said they suffer from this only a lot of it doesn't make sense. There are radical treatments for this disease, and a lot of them help. Remicaide is one. One does not catch it from an old injury. The pressure of using a cane or crutches is too much on my hands so I don't use them and when I read of people who rely on them it makes me wonder. At the end of the day I end up just feeling very sad for those who define themselves in that manner. Anyway RA isn't who I am, it's just a thing. Now that you know this, please throw it away and don't let it define me for you.

I am throwing in some pictures because I haven't done that of late. Nicole with, my father's cat. She looks all cute and kittenish-y there, but she's not and she would hurt you if she wanted to.

And James with the new "do" that a friend gave him. He actually thought it looked "cool". I am dating myself here because I thought he looked quite a bit like a cross between John Taylor of Duran2 and George Michael, The Wham! years. He was going to do his hair that way the next morning...and then he got his wits back.


Tessie said...

Oh, cute hair! Big hair is back for the teenage boys, or so it seems.

Laura said...

He's just a baby (9) still...Waaaaah... I don't want him to grow up.

Kathy said...

Glad to see you! Weird but I worry about you on the days you don't post! Not to put any pressure on you or anything... :-)
I certainly haven't been posting everyday myself. The kids pics are cute. I sure know about those kitties who look all sweet, when actually they are planning their next big sneak attack.

Net On The Net said...

I have a friend at work who suffers from RA. She absolutely, positively SWEARS by cherry juice. Drinks it every night. Must be something to it because she doesn't seem to be suffering too much. Worth a try, anyway.

Marshamlow said...

Been thinking of you. I love your son's hair, I think I must be your age because I loved John Taylor and George Michael so much. There is some new show on or coming, I haven't caught the name... It shows little clips of George Michael singing, "You Gotta have faith" he looks really good in those clips. I laugh when I see the long haired boys at my daughters school, so cute. I wonder if they are going to start wearing eye liner again too?

Laura said...

We get lots of cherry juice here, it has antioxidants that are supposed to help, jeanette. The shock of the past year has caused more pain than I have typically felt but, all in all, I manage. Marsha, I wonder that too. It does seem like the whole "glam rock" thing is coming back. Hey Kathy, I just didn't have anything but pure, base misery to write about so I kept it to my paper journal. Thanks so much for always thinking about us.

Rebecca said...

So glad you posted!!

LOVE the pics! Your kids... breathtaking!

jess in nebraska said...

So glad to hear form you...I check every day and am dsappointmed when you don't post! Your kids are so stinking cute! Your daughter is beautiful! And hey, I'm 36 and can relate to the Wham era and I seriously love your son's hair in that picture.
Hope you have a good Wednesday.

Donna said...

Thank You Sweetie So Much for Doing this meme for me!!!! Now see there? There's lots of things we don't know about each other, but it helps us understand more!! Your kiddos are precious (that Cat reminds me of my cat KiKi)! You're a Great sport and here's sending much love to you!!!

Betts4 said...

Great photos and glad to see you back!

Scott said...

Wow, I didn't know you were a published poet! Thats a pretty awesome accomplishment. It takes me forever just to come up with words that rhyme. Although you real poets don't have to rhyme anything. I can just imagine how proud your dad was to see those books.

I envy you for living amongst all those cherry orchards! I LOVE cherries, and gorge myself for the few weeks they are available down here for sale, in late June. The few days I spent in Traverse City I was amazed at all the different products that are created with cherries. My mouth is watering just remembering it. I'll have to visit again some day and get some more of those.

rachd said...

Boy have I been worried about you. If you hadn't been commenting on my blog I *really* would have been worried.

I'm sorry. That's all. I'm just sorry. If there is *anything* I can do, let me know.

And yes, James is rather George Michael Wham!-ish there. ;oP

haylee said...

Glad to see your post.

I know you've been struggling.

I have fibromyalgia - another auto-immune goody that takes it's toll. It's associated with chronic fatigue syndrome and that has totally wiped out my old life -- where I was always on the go. It was triggered by a spinal injury I sustained when 8 weeks pregnant with our last child.

Chronic pain SUX!

Keep on keeping on, Laura.


Laurie said...

Glad to see you back and hope those comments from people who don't understand, hope they don't keep you down for long. Sometimes I just don't comment because I really can't relate to what you are going through, so I keep silent. Your kids look great, both of them. I can relate to the RA, I have it too but it is not too bad so far. You are right, it sure the heck doesn't define us. It is just a part of life. Sigh.:)

Laurie in Ca.

Courtney said...

I'm so glad to see you've posted. I get worried when you either don't post or you don't comment, but when you're not doing either of them I get REALLY worried.

Your kids are gorgeous as always and James' hair cracks me up.

Sending well wishes your way.

Anonymous said...

He DOES look like John Taylor! (which is a good thing, at least to me)

Nance said...

We call James' look "Boy Band Hair."

And I was all about John Taylor of Duran Duran. I still think he was the cutest one, but have you seen him lately? He has"aged well."

jessica said...

Oooh - very cute picture of James!! Glad to see your post today. I missed you. :hug:

Shari said...

Now I have "Do the Jitterbug" line running through my mind. Wake me up before you go-go....I liked the band, being a teenager in most of the the 80's.

I thought that when you mentioned RA in the past, that it was what it stood for, Don't worry. I don't define RA with you. I don't want people to define Usher with me.

..totally understand that. :)

Hang in there.

Artemisia said...

Glad you are back, but I do think of you even when you don't post.

I am sure you've heard this a million times, but I've heard berries are good for RA?

The kids look great. GOOD JOB.

Erin said...

The hair IS cool! I like it, but it definitely makes him look older than nine. (Is he really only 9?)

My grandmother and aunt and cousin all have RA also. Which is funny because I never think about it. I was reading your post thinking, Oh! I know someone with RA... who is it...?

Melissa said...

I dont post much, but have been worried as well.

I so want you to be happy again, or at least give yourself a break.

I totally feel for you with the RA thing as well. My sister has PsA and has since she hit puberty. Arthritis is bad, and hopefully we will get a cure someday.

Jackie said...

You fucking rock, and you KNOW why.

Maya's Granny said...

I love the pictures of your kids.

And you know I am sending love your way. And hugs.

Laura said...

Yep folks, he really is only 9 and (GGGAAARRRGGGH) Nance, I looked up John Taylor and now I am thinking it is time to color my hair or do something. Ohhhhh how sad that was.

J at said...

I laughed when I thought of your husband having your 10 year old you picture in his wallet...I wonder if people thought he had married a child from a freaky mormon cult compound? HA!

Not So Perfect said...

I just recently discovered your blog and spent a couple of days catching up to speed, reading past entries.

I hope you realize what an amazing woman you are. Full of strength and courage.

Oh and do you have the book with your poems in it? I would love to read some of your published poems.

Angie said...

I think he looks like his daddy. Rocky swears by the cherry juice too, and the pills. My 13 year old nephew has Ra also. He's on the chemo medication.

Karen MEG said...

Hi Laura, sorry haven't been by for a while. I'm glad to catch up and learn a little bit more about you with this meme. That's a really cute story about your photo in your husband's wallet... I used to carry around a photo of my brother as a ten year old as well...until he was about 25 LOL! Not the same thing, but funny.
Your kids are gorgeous, you daughter looks just like you, and your son rocks the hair!