Sunday, May 18, 2008

Graduation Day

What I've Done---Linkin Park

In this farewell
There’s no blood
There’s no alibi
‘Cause I’ve drawn regret
From the truth
Of a thousand lies

So let mercy come
And wash away
What I’ve done

I'll face myself
To cross out what I’ve become
Erase myself
And let go of what I’ve done

Put to rest
What you thought of me
Well I cleaned this slate
With the hands
Of uncertainty

So let mercy come
And wash away
What I’ve done

I’ll face myself
To cross out what I’ve become
Erase myself
And let go of what I’ve done

For what I’ve done
I start again
And whatever pain may come
Today this ends
I’m forgiving what I’ve done

I’ll face myself
To cross out what I’ve become
Erase myself
And let go of what I’ve done

What I’ve done
Forgiving what I’ve done

Our day started with this. This song. One, because it is Nicole's favorite movie, and her brother loves the song. I find the song makes me think of my husband-to where it almost sounds like his thoughts-but I was determined we would have one of Nicole's beloved "Dance Party" like moments this morning. We cuddled on the couch and sang "Happy Graduation Day" to our sister/daughter...and then got dressed.

And then the serious tears started. The night before I had given her a diamond peace pendant (you can see it in the photo with her brother) and made it from her Dad. I knew it was what he would have done...if he were here. I found the perfect card to go with...words that I know he would have used...I signed it "Dad"...

And we were off to the church. Her friend Michelle (pictured above) who has been like a daughter to us since she first came into our house to spend after school hours when she was ten...after the death of her own beloved father. That's Nonny in the middle (my daughter's grandmother and my mom). Tears at quotes like "I have learned that those we love and cherish the most are gone too soon..." To seeing my ( I swear to God she was only 3 yesterday) baby walk up to get her diploma, Pomp and Circumstance, tassels turned, hugs from beloved teachers... the tears welling up in my own father's eyes. All of it at times becoming to much. This yearning to feel my husband's suited shoulder up against all the other parents there in the church. Not to be. He would have been so proud of that NHS sash... He would have found her the most beautiful and accomplished young woman there. He was there, I have to believe that even as I go slowly crazy from all of this... I have to.

And onward to James's opening day for baseball season. Where my beautiful boy, who grows to look more like his daddy each day, got 3 hits, 3 RBI's and played a mean first base. Not bad for his first year.

God, it feels good to type here tonight.

Nicole is off to Senior lock in...James is up a little later than usual due to the chaos of the day. All is normal....except... There will always be that exception to kill me in the quiet hours.


Shannon said...

Two beautiful children to be so wonderfully proud of. Lots of hugs for all of you.

Betts4 said...

Congratulations to Nicole and Hugs to you for making a difficult day for you, also a very special one for her.

Karen said...

I know you are so proud of her! You had me tearing up thinking about graduation. Congrats to Nicole! And to you, as you've made it through another milestone. You are a survivor!

TGLB said...

I know it's hard. You can be proud that despite everything, and the pain that I know you feel crushing you, you got your kids to this point. Leonard is proud of you, too. I just know he is.

Angie said...

The kids both look beautiful. I can only imagine how proud you are. You should be proud to as your hands helped guide Nicole to where she is today. I'm positive that Leonard was there, smiling with pride at his beautiful daughter, and his beautiful family.

Sharpie said...

I'm glad that you are here and writing, for when you're not I know the pain is just too much. All wonderful things this weekend - thank you for sharing. I know they felt bittersweet. For your beautiful daughter, this is the beginning of a new era of her life and with that comes many new exciting things for you to enjoy and encounter with her. Here's hoping that there are less tears next year and the year after that. BIG HUGS!!

Jeanette said...

Congratulations to Nicole. She looked beautiful happy and excited. You should be very proud. And for the record, the song Pomp and Circumstance always chokes me up and it's been years since my kidg graduated! Have a good week.

Tessie said...

Congratulations to the both of you. You should be so proud.

Courtney said...

Congratulations to you and Nicole. Leonard was there and he was proud of his little girl. Glad you wrote something. I missed you.

Rach said...

Oh, Sweetie, it's SO good to hear from you!

Congratulations to Nicole on her accomplishment and to you for yet another milestone passed. Well done, Mama. :o)

Donna said...

Congratulations!!! Time is passing So fast!!! Beautiful children!!!hughugs

Marshamlow said...

Congratulations. What a bittersweet moment. My daughter will be graduating next year and I am already crying at the thought of it. I wish the Leonard was there to share this moment with your family. It was beautiful how you found a way to bring a part of him into the moment.

artemisia said...

Congratulations to both of you. You did a lovely job of making the day special for her.

Take care of yourself.

dan said...

Graduation is such a fun and emotion filled time.

Nance said...

You did all the right things, it seems. Everything keeps going on and you keep making it. I hope you're noticing.

Linda said...

Listening to the song as I write this..I love it.
Graduation was always such a mixture of emotion for me. And pomp and circumstance will just make me sob every s.i.n.g.l.e time! Even just thinking about it.
Leonard was there Laura. He was. He was.
Hugs to you always!!

J at said...

Congratulations to her, and to you, and to your son as well. What a year this has been.

Very pretty necklace, btw. :)

Melissa said...

Congratulations Nik!

And WOW! Did James have a growth spurt or what? He is taller than his sister already?

Erin said...

You should be proud, too, for everything you've done to get her to graduation day, and for making it special for her. You really are amazing, even if you don't feel that way.

And OH MY GOODNESS, that James. He is adorable and so handsome! What a beautiful smile.

Gina said...

Such a great photo of those two!

I have to admit I am scared of when my little one will be ready to graduate high school.

Debbie in NC said...

Congratulations Nicole! You have two wonderful children and I know you are extremely proud of them. They are both adorable...and who is the good looking guy with Nicole? Um...boy friend?

And....great job James! A star is born and we are just as proud of you!!!