Wednesday, December 10, 2008

Amazing

It really is, when I think of it. No, I'm not saying it's amazing that I'm actually here posting this evening. It's been such a whirlwind of trying to get things done, and procrastinating and last minute doctors/dentists/car appointments that I rarely have time to share anything. And I am sorry. For those of you on Facebook, oh I'm having fun playing there with you. But, I'm winding down another road when I mean to speak of other things.

It is amazing. Amazing how much can change in 1 year and (almost) 4 months. I would never have dreamt that this would be me---what I was doing---here, with these boxes and stuff. How amazing...the support I have received from friends and some family. And the support far outweighs the naysayers. Really there are only 3 and a half (I'll explain the half later) naysayers. The two being my mom and my brother.

As I've mentioned, my mother cannot compute this. Nor does she want to. For reference, I don't and never have expected her to or wanted much from her. It's the way we are. Before I could "play along" with the mind game of the day. I had Leonard to dump it on. Leonard to make it okay. Leonard to come home to. I don't have that anymore. She thinks I'm stupid, she thinks I'm not there for her in her hour of need, she says I am "taking her last grandchild" (Nicole is apparently sliced bread) from her... She held open the door and told me to leave. So I did. Funny...I don't feel that awfully bad about it. I can't. It's not in me anymore. I tried my best as a child, young, and then married, woman. As a widow, I suck at comradeship with her. I care to much about my lost husband. Along side her, goes my grandma. Too twisted up in herself (as the elderly often do) to see that I have been there for her, that phones can be picked up on her end. Nutshell=lack of empathy. Again...okay. I don't need it. So many have gone out of their way in their support of me.

Moving...on...



The half=a mother in law who has a tongue that is split neater than Lincoln's rails. She supports me and yet doesn't when talking to others. A second phone call (remember that ill fated call to my father last year) to my father attempting to play the victim who never gets to see the grandson I have given her open access to. I do think she truly wants to support us, but that old competitions die hard for her. I just want my son to be happy. I don't want him to be burdened by the family guilt that so plagued his father. She knows (and I hope she admits to herself) that she has an open invitation to our new home.

So...we're ready. T-minus 4 days...

16 comments:

Cristina Mathers said...

good for you. sometimes you just have to say eff it and move on. you have to do whats right for you and your family and good riddance if they can't at least support you. and it's appalling that they would treat you that way and be so selfish. you deserve better!

haylee said...

In reading your post, I get the feeling that your new sense of self has finaly chipped away at the shell that was holding you back.

Welcome to your new life, my l'il Chick-a-Dee! ... and let the feathers fall where they may!

love,
W.C. haylee Fields

Shelly said...

Best wishes to you in your move. Sounds to me like you need to get far away from all these toxic people. I really think and hope that this move will be cathartic to you and your son. Best wishes always.

Jeanette said...

This is a good thing for you. Being near these people have just held you back and you need to think of your children first and foremost! Good luck with your move and let us know when your new life has officially begun!

Courtney said...

Laura,

You sound great! I say go and be happy and make a wonderful life for you and James. You both deserve it.

Rach said...

Safe travels and GOOD LUCK!! I think one of the hardest things about being a grown-up is making decisions that disappoint/upset others and being comfortable with them. I'm proud of you doing what you need to do for your family.

I can't wait to hear all about your new adventures after your move! :o)

Nance said...

Wow. This is the you that you've been waiting for. Welcome her with open arms because she's terrific. Don't look back. You're moving ahead with great energy and spirit. I'm so happy for you and inspired by your courage.

PS--my word verification was "granted"!

artemisia said...

I am really, really proud of you and thinking of you always!

TGLB said...

Go you, Laura. You ARE doing the right thing for you and YOUR family. The rest of those people are just tangled up in dealing with your unwillingness to be their punching bag anymore. People hate it when you refuse to let them get to you. Whic of course means you won. :)

Safe travels.

Marshamlow said...

Wow, that is a lot to have to handle. I am surprised you are still standing. I hope you have a safe trip. Distance has immensely improved my relationship with my family.

Rebecca said...

2 things:

1. I wanna hook up with you on Facebook!!!

2. I am so impressed, yet again, with your strength. I know you don't feel it a lot of the time, but you are SO strong. You rock, Laura, you rock. Keep doing what you're doing and don't let the naysayers get you down. YOU know what's best for your family, you have to live your life - they don't. They'll come around or they won't, but either way it's on them - not you. Hang in there, girl. We're all rooting for you here!

((hugs))

Karen MEG said...

Laura, be proud of yourself for who you are, what you are doing, and for the strength that you have in spades. The great thing about this is that I know I don't have to tell you that... you've figured it out.

Family sucks sometimes, there's no doubt about it. I'm glad that you're in your own place and in your own space to be able to deal. Leonard would be proud I'm sure.

Bravo.

Ronni said...

When you get a sense of freedom and relief, you know you have done the right thing...

All the best to you. You are going to love Texas!

Donna said...

Am looking forward to PICTURES!!!Hahaaa...(I'm so selfish)
Hope the move went well!! Thinking of you and So Proud of you as well...Happiness, Sweetheart!hughugs

Laurie in Ca. said...

Wow Laura,

Good for you girl, good for you and for James. Who needs the guilt and all that goes with it. Amazing how you have been finding your way and doing it for you. I am so proud of you girl. And yes, I think it is your brothers turn to entertain your mother. Maybe he would have better luck. I didn't even know you had posted so you must already be on your way to the new frontier. I wish you love and peace and happy new beginnings where Leonard's memory can stay with you peacefully.

Love and Hugs, Laurie in Ca.
PS. I finally started my blog. Come visit when you get settled in and have time on your hands.:)

~Red Tin Heart~ said...

Laura, we have many of the same problems. Except mine is with my youngest sister and my Mom.
It is hard when you have no support. I totally relate to what you have writen. I miss John so much..He listened to me as well when I had problems with the family. I would like to move as well. And probably will in the next year.
You have been on my heart the last few days and I wanted to wish you a good new year.
xoxo Nita