Friday, September 28, 2007

Hurt















I miss you Baby. I want you back so bad.

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"Hurt"---Johnny Cash
I hurt myself today
To see if I still feel I focus on the pain
The only thing that's real
The needle tears a hole
The old familiar sting
Try to kill it all away
But I remember everything
What have I become
My sweetest friend
Everyone I know goes away In the end
And you could have it all
My empire of dirt
I will let you down
I will make you hurt
I wear this crown of thorns
Upon my liar's chair
Full of broken thoughts
I cannot repair
Beneath the stains of time
The feelings disappear
You are someone else
I am still right here
What have I become
My sweetest friend
Everyone I know goes away In the end
And you could have it all
My empire of dirt
I will let you down
I will make you hurt
If I could start again
A million miles away
I would keep myself
I would find a way




In the words of a dear friend of mine, if you want to know where Laura is listen for the giant sucking noise. Only today, it's follow the river of tears. I really have no idea how one can survive this. This incredible pain.

12 comments:

Jess T said...

I was thinking of you last night. In fact your story crept into my dream. I'm so very sorry. I cannot imagine what you are feeling right now.

If there is anything I can do, please let me know.

Anonymous said...

L...I'm crying right along with you today. My heart is aching for you. We love you.

-b_baby

Laurie said...

I can't even begin to know how you are feeling but I know it is deep pain for you and I will pray for your heart to get through this river of tears and up on higher ground soon. I am so sorry and I wish I could help in some way, even if just a Big Hug.
May your heart catch it's breath and feel peace today.
Laurie in Ca.

Jen said...

I think of you every day - I only wish there was something I could do to ease your pain.

Shelly said...

I'm thinking of you, too. So so sad for your loss. I can't even imagine your pain. God bless you and hold you in your time of los.

Artemisia said...

You will survive this, you will.

You and your family are in my prayers.

Haylee said...

Grief is but a measure of the love you shared with Leonard -- the deeper the love, the deeper the pain.

The passage of time will take the sharp edges off your grief and memories will always be a double-edged sword - at times, they will sting like hell yet they will always be a reminder of a time in your life when two souls touched in a very special way.

That is something you will never want to forget -- ever.

Wishing you peace & comfort.

Shari said...

I am so sad that you are hurting so much. Time heals all wounds. Let the Lord wrap His arms around you and carry you. Right now there is one pair of footprints in the sand. I always think about "Footprints in the Sand" and when I'm down, I think of this often.

I hope today was a better day for you.

rachd said...

What a beautiful bride and handsome groom. You two were such a gorgeous couple! :o)

I'm sorry, so sorry today is so awful. And, as you commented, weekends do suck. They were our time to be together as a family and now our family is so different. I HATE that, and I know you do too.

HUGS HUGS HUGS HUGS HUGS!!!!! Here's hoping tomorrow is better than today, in spite of it being a Saturday!

Jess said...

I don't know how anyone can survive the loss of a loved one, especially a beloved husband. I think of you often and I am so sorry that you are having such a hard day. Big hugs to you through this computer screen.

(I got your email and I will definitely add you to the approved list!)

Hope this helps.... said...

A shadow of joy flickered; it is me. I told you I wouldn't leave. My memories, my thoughts are imbedded deep in your heart. I still love you.

Do not for one moment think that you have been abandoned. I am in the Light. In the corner, in the hall, the car, the yard ~ these are the places I stay with you. My spirit rises every time you pray for me, but my energy comes closer to you.

Love does not diminish; it grows stronger. I am the feather that finds you in the yard, the dimmed light that grows brighter in your mind, I place our memories for you to see. We lived in our special way, a way that now has its focus changed.

I still crave your understanding and long for the many words of prayer and good fortune for my soul. I am in the Light. As you struggle to adjust without me, I watch silently.

Sometimes I summon up all the strength of my new world to make you notice me. Impressed by your grief, I try to impress my love deeper into your consciousness. As you should, I call out to the Heavens for help. You should know that the fountain of youth does exist. My soul is now healthy.

Your love sends me new found energy. I am adjusting to this new world. I am with you and I am in the Light. Please don't feel bad that you can't see me. I am with you wherever you go. I protect you, just as you protected me so many times. Talk to me and somehow I will find a way to answer you.

Mother, Father, son or daughter, it makes no difference. Brother, sister, lover, husband or wife, it makes no difference. Whatever our connection ~ friend or even foe ~ I see you with my new eyes. I am learning to help wherever you are, wherever I am needed. This can be done because I am in the Light.

When you feel despair, reach out to me. I will come. My love for you truly does transcend from Heaven to Earth. Finish your life with the enthusiasm and zest that you had when we were together in the physical sense.

You owe this to me, but more importantly, you owe it to yourself. Life continues for both of us. I am with you because I love you and I am in the Light.

Author Unknown

The girl left behind said...

^^^
That's great; I printed it out.

I don't know how we survive, really. It hurts more than I could've ever imagined anything hurting. I said over and over again "I can't do this...I can't do this...I don't know how to do this...WHY do I have to do this???" But one day you look up and find you're doing it. Maybe not particularly well (as if there is such a thing), or with any panache, but that is not required. All that is required is to keep breathing.