Tonight was our Parent Meeting for the upcoming trip to Mackinac Island. I find myself wondering what I have signed on for (little sleep, much headaches, and hopefully a few memories of time spent with my little boy to cherish). This will be a tough thing to do because Up North is "Leonard Country" and we once took Nik to the island as a 4 year old and I know that there will be bittersweet memories around each bend our bikes take.
I cannot stand the way the principal acts and speaks toward the parents of the school. One, they had many questions. For many of them, it will be the first time their little ones are away from home over night...let alone hundreds of miles away. And he doesn't appear to take this into consideration and each question asked was a visible irritant to him. I am quite grateful that this is his last year before he moves on to Superintendant... although I do find myself thinking there are other, more qualified people for the job. Ah well. I am sure you will hear lots about this trip afterward. I imagine there will be lots of fun fodder for the blog.
I want to take a minute to thank Linda. Linda, you have no idea how much the candle meant to me. What amazes me is how little gifts and notes and emails come at times when I feel like I am at my lowest (it's amazing how low one can get without truly hitting the bottom). Linda sent me a beautiful votive holder inscribed "This light is me saying a prayer for you"... It is lit and sitting right next to me-making the night seem a little bit less lonely. You are so wonderful to do that. The friends I have made and the outpouring of generosity and caring blow not only me away...but also my dad. He does not come here because he says it is hard enough to read my face... without reading the words that go with it. I do tell him of the cards and the remembrances and gifts that are sent and it has given him a whole different view on this open diary of mine. I know there are times when he thought I should close it down; that sharing this pain was going to end up hurting me more than it would help. I think he sees how cathartic it is for me. Words are all I have. Sharing my love with you all keeps him alive in some small way and I need for him to be alive. Because that can't happen, this is all I have.
Someone mentioned one small word today. "Titatnium"... and I was in tears. Leonard worked with titanium and was an artist in crafting it to the specs he had put forth. I don't think that the word will ever just be a metal for me anymore. It represents a life to me now. A life taken far too soon. The part of my soul that rips wider each day as realization smacks me-hard-each morning.
Good night all.