Monday, April 14, 2008

Two Drawers...or is it three?

Oh boy, what a waste of a day. I did manage to go through a couple (or maybe three) drawers today. I have a donate and a pitch bag just about full. I am at such a wall these days. I don't really know what to do with the future. I'm hanging in there for the suggested first year of not doing something that one might regret, but it's difficult.

To be honest, most of the day I spent sleeping. Not good, not good at all, Laura. I think this weather, and the dreariness of it all, has taken it's toll. I think the situation at home is almost too much. Seriously though, I am okay. I am not suicidal, I am just tired of it all. Don't worry. I'll deal. I still just don't want to.


TGLB said...

I think the 1-year guideline is a good one, but it's still just a guideline; don't let it hamstring you. It's meant to protect you, not bind you if there are changes you are ready to make.

I know it's frustrating, but the fact that you are even thinking about the future (even about not having a plan for it) is a good sign. I have been doing a lot of thinking lately about folks who find a mission that arises for them out of grief. I don't feel like I have one, and I don't know what that means for me. But we will find our way, one way or another, right? Hugs to you.

Shari said...

Another baby step, however small, is good. It might not be much, but you've made a lot of steps already: you may not see it, but it's there. I hope that made sense.

God bless you and your family. HUGS

Kathy said...

Two bags almost full is awesome!
On the best of days, sorting out stuff is tough.
And even when life is grand, that grey Michigan sky can bring you down. You guys have had a long dreadful winter, from what I hear from my family back there.
James pictures speeding past the Texas flowers are very artistic. I like them!
My thoughts are with you and your family Laura. Hugs.

Linda said...

I totally get the "i don't want to".
However, I am wrapping my arms around you and holding you tight.


Rach said...

Yup. I don't wanna either. I just don't.

This gloomy, grey, cold weather is doing a number on me. Where did Spring go??


Betts4 said...

Laura, I sort of gave up on the 1 year thing. As tglb said, it is a guide. I did somethings maybe I should have waited for, but instead, they felt right. I haven't done other things because I didn't think it was time. Each decision is a tough one.

I really don't want that one year mark to pass. Instead of '10 months' it will be a 'year and 3 months' or such. I don't want that time to pass.

Sending hugs and understanding the lay down and tired of it all feeling.

Woli said...

Thanks for checking in. I miss you when you are away for a few days.

I wouldn't even know where to begin with packing and removing material things from the home. It is hard for me to say good-bye to baby clothes and move on. What you are doing takes so much strength and courage.

My thoughts, as always, are with you!

Artemisia said...

Oh, honey. Sending you a hug.

Laura said...

Hugs and positive thoughts your way, my friend!

Jessica said...

Wow - you might not see it from where you sit, but from where I sit it seems like you're making amazing progress. Sorting through drawers? Good for you. You're doing great, and we're here to cheer for you, ok? Big hugs.

Nance said...

Well, crap. I'm so very tired of it all, too, and it was all I could do to get through my teaching day. I came home and put on my jammies and I am so not even the least bit motivated to even THINK of what dinner COULD be, let alone cook one. And you've sorted two or three drawers. You, my dear, are lightyears ahead of me. Sigh. I suck.

Gina said...

Not every day has to be uber-productive. None of mine are.


Cristina Mathers said...

two drawers are better than none! =)