Friday, May 9, 2008

Trips and Tears and Testng my limits




Prom went off without a hitch for Nicole... Well, there was one hitch. The one where I had to re-hitch the brooch part of her dress back on her dress after it dropped to the floor on their way out the door. She had a good time and they looked nice.

I am dull and drab and wishing that I had blogged here more often, instead of staring off into space. I think part of my problem is that, when the real hurting started, I shut myself off from the rest of the world. I haven't really "chatted" with anyone, haven't done much of anything. Unless you count the part where I went off as a chaperon on James's trip to Mackinac Island. That was a tough one because it not only was a visit to a place where Leonard and I had made many memories... we also stopped at Hartwick Pines, another of Leonard's favorite places. I spent a lot of time trying not to cry by throwing myself into the activities with the kids. Although it was bitter cold, I sat "up top" on the ferry to Mackinac with the boys in my group and we came really close to "Mighty Mac" and the boys loved getting ice cold spray in their faces. James? Well James was smart. James was down with another chaperone because he didn't want to "get cold". We were gone for two (pics of which I will have to scan in when I get them developed because we brought disposables)nights. I had to walk the halls each night between 2 and 3 AM...which isn't conducive to a good night's sleep and also leaves the grieving much more susceptible to crying bouts. I went outside at 3 AM, thinking I could have a good cry, and go to bed.. Only, when I came in, James's teacher was up and I could not hide the fact I had cried myself blotchy. He didn't say a word, though. I appreciated that.

I have more to write, but I also have two work reports to finish and if I don't do those well... Then I'll really be remiss. I've missed "being" here and hope I haven't worried anyone too terribly. I was just going through (still am) a spell of hating this and missing him and being disbelieving about the whole horrible mess.

18 comments:

Donna said...

It's alright sweetie...all of us pop over here and keep checking on you....wishing for you...caring about you...and dream with you. I want you to Truly have a warm and loving Mother's Day...You Truly deserve it!hughugs

Jeanette said...

Been thinking about you. I know when you are gone for a while you're in a rough patch. Hugs. I hope you have a wonderful Mother's day.

Jess said...

Have a fantastic Mother's Day, Laura. Your daughter looked absolutely gorgeous for her prom!

Kesha said...

I'm glad to see you peeking in again Laura. I hope the days settle down for you and that the weekend is a good one. Have a wonderful Mother's day my friend. You deserve it. You've done so well by Nicole and James.

much love
kesha

TGLB said...

Good to hear from you. Nicole looks gorgeous.

I love Mackinac Island. The first time I visited was on the back of my dad's bike. I was too old, really, to be on the back of anyone's bike. I was probably 8, but they didn't want to wait on my trying to keep up on my own. I've only been back once since, and it felt the same.

Rach said...

Wow! Two more milestones,two more big things accomplished.

We have missed you, but are glad you're still around, doing okay. You take care of you and we'll be here when you need us.

HUGS!

P.S. Nik is GORGEOUS! :o)

desperate housewife said...

You should be very proud of yourself for even GOING on that Mackinac trip- good for you. I am sure your son appreciated it. And your daughter is just lovely.
Hugs.

Nance said...

Sigh. Everything's worse at 3 AM. Welcome back to the blogosphere.

becomingkate said...

Getting those tears out really helps. I'll keep you in my thoughts over the next few days. *hugs*

Melissa said...

Happy Mothers day! Your children are beautiful and so are you.

I (i think WE) have been worried about you. I keep praying for this massive grieving to lift from you.

Linda said...

Laura,
Nicole looks absolutely lovely...
What fun!
You know that you don't even need to explain yourself, although it is nice to "hear"from you.Makes me think of piglet and pooh. "Pooh?"
"Yes Piglet?" "Nothing. Just being sure of you".I loke knowing that you are okay, whatever that might mean. Thinking of you always, and trying real hard to send good, love filled vibes to you.

Linda

Sarah said...

I have missed you. Thanks for checking in.

Linda said...

and I "like" it, as well as "loke" it. gahhh

BetteJo said...

I haven't been around the blog world much either, but it's good to connect with people I think. Glad you're here now.

Stella said...

Hi Laura,

Your daughter looks so beautiful! I love the added touch of the Tiger shirts.

I had been wondering how you are doing. I'm sorry you have been in such a low spot. Hopefully with the school year coming to an end there will be fewer "milestone" days for awhile and it will give you a chance to regain your footing a bit.

I love Mackinac, and I can see how the beauty of that place could be so bittersweet when it holds so many memories for you. (((HUGS)))

Love,
Stella

Ronni said...

I think I'm having an easier time, partly because of the anger. I am so very ANGRY, that the sorrowful times are sometimes drowned out by it.

Welcome home! We do worry when you are not here...

Courtney said...

We are here for you when/if you need us!

Nik looked great and I'm glad she had a good time.

Karen said...

Your daughter looks beautiful, so much like you!
I'd like to know the story behind the jerseys over the prom dresses someday.