Monday, July 28, 2008

What I meant to do

I meant to put a great header up there and tell you all about Nik's graduation party. What I did instead was go back through time and read all my entries here. Right now, my being went back there too. And I am wrong and it was wrong and I am just missing him and feeling horrible for doing that tonight (or is it this morning already), and I hate crying like this and feeling so worthless and lonely, so I'll come back later.

13 comments:

Marshamlow said...

I am looking forward to hearing all about the graduation party. Hope you feel a bit better after some sleep.

GRinDC said...

Sometimes you need to go back to see how far you've come. It's not wrong, it's just what you needed to do. The graduation party was a milestone for all of you. "Tie a knot and hang on."

Donna said...

Grab the Rope Sweetie and hang on to All of us!!! We Willl be here for you!!!hughughugs

Alicia said...

It's part of what you need to do. Just this morning I went back and read through some of my first year's posts on the board. The raw pain and grief was palpable.

We have to revisit those early days, both to see how far we've come (as GR said) and to come to terms with them and integrate them into our present to build a new future. I know that sounds overblown, etc., but it's important work.

Remember, one breath at a time, one step at a time.

-- Alicia, wishing you a measure of peace today

Karen said...

I can not even imagine the pain you suffer daily.
Just keep tying knots and hanging on. And know there are many people thinking of you.

J at www.jellyjules.com said...

I find myself going back and reading my mom's blog, too. Sigh. Not easy or fun.

Laura said...

Just remember, you are loved!!!

Stella said...

All I have is a (((HUG))).

Love,
Stella

Debbie said...

Such an exciting time in their lives and they are beginning the next phase! I hope the party was wonderful and you took plenty of photos to share :)

Nance said...

I'm not sure what it is that makes us all, at one time or another, go back and relive things that are painful or sad. But we all do it, and we shouldn't apologize for it. Maybe it is, as some commenters have said, a sort of affirmation: we have managed and made it past all of it, still whole (yes, battered) and surviving. Maybe it is a sort of reality check: It did happen, and this is what is left now. No matter what the reason, it's our history. We can't and shouldn't deny it. It is part of what makes us who we are NOW. Our past shapes us undeniably. HOW it does that is up to us.

You will be back. And you will be stronger.

And we will be here.

Jessica said...

Oh Laura.
I am so sorry you're having a rough time of it right now. HUG.

xoxo
j

Jess T said...

Hugs.

Jess

BetteJo said...

I don't know why but it seems people just need to do that sometimes.