Tuesday, November 25, 2008

Closing Day

But, not without its headaches, which I won't bore you with. I never thought this day would get here, given the troubles with trying to set up a home purchase from out of state.

In answer to a couple of comments, I haven't yet sold my house. I just made the decision to move now and attempt to sell the house here empty. I am lucky in that I can manage that because I qc'd the house to my husband and also because he is the smartest, most prepared man that has ever graced this earth.

Even as I contemplate this step today, I stood at the gate this morning with the chewed up garbage bags (thanks to Jessie the Wonder Sheltie) and thought back a couple of years-to dreams that used to be mine, held with him. If my life had gone right, we'd be together on our own 10 acres right here. Well, a little north of here. It still hurts to realize that we will never get to do that.

I have made the decision to have the movers do their thing, meaning pack me up. I tried, really I did, but I cannot dismantle our life together all by myself. It will be better to sift through it in a place he never was-- no expectation of him walking through the door, not having to glance up at his ashes now and again and feel my heart breaking all over again. and again.

The closing is today at 1PM. Because of a foul up at the title company, I did not transfer funds over to my account and they have yet to post. What does this mean? Another hurdle to jump. Either a signoff on $4,000 that won't post to the bigger amount until tomorrow, or a cash advance. Sigh.

My new life officially starts at 1PM. I hope I am doing the right thing. I think I am doing the right thing, and yet-all the while- it hurts to leave him, us, behind.

"Your Wildest Dreams"

Once upon a time
Once when you were mine
I remember skies
Reflected in your eyes
I wonder where you are
I wonder if you
Think about me
Once upon a time
In your wildest dreams

Once the world was new
Our bodies felt the morning dew
That greets the brand new day
We couldn't tear ourselves away
I wonder if you care
I wonder if you still remember
Once upon a time
In your wildest dreams

And when the music plays
And when the words are
Touched with sorrow
When the music plays
I hear the sound
I had to follow
Once upon a time
Once beneath the stars
The universe was ours
Love was all we knew
And all I knew was you
I wonder if you know
I wonder if you think about it
Once upon a time
In your wildest dreams

And when the music plays
And when the words are
Touched with sorrow
When the music plays
And when the music plays
I hear the sound
I had to follow
Once upon a time

Once upon a time
Once when you were mine
I remember skies
Mirrored in your eyes
I wonder where you are
I wonder if you
Think about me
Once upon a time
In your wildest dreams

19 comments:

GR in DC said...

Best of luck with the closing, and with the selling of your house, too. You are doing the right thing, and of course it hurts. It would hurt whether you did the right thing, the wrong thing, or nothing. That doesn't negate the fact that you are doing the best thing you can for yourself and your kids.

fern said...

Good luck!

Shannon said...

I would move, too. I think you are doing the right thing for you and for James. ((HUGS))

Courtney said...

Good luck on your move and don't stop blogging woman!

Marshamlow said...

Congratulations on your new home. I hope you have a very happy life there.

Nance said...

Oh, my. The Moody Blues. If you only knew how often their words provide the soundtrack to my own life....

I think of you often, and I am floored by your bravery always.

My hope is for your happiness. And that it becomes endless.

Emblita said...

Good luck with everything Laura! I hope that you will grace us with photos of your new house! May it bring you some peace and happiness!
Hugs
Embla

BetteJo said...

I'm pretty much trusting your instincts with this. You are doing what you need to do and every step forward is a positive one.

And yes, Moody Blues - so many songs with so much meaning.
(also? Best concert EVER.)

TGLB said...

Best of luck, Laura. I know it can't be easy, making this change, but I applaud you and your courage for making it happen. Go you!

Kesha said...

I wish you only the best Laura! You are amazing.

much love to you and your two children.

kesha

haylee said...

Dear Laura:

I wish you much comfort & many blessings in your new abode.

May your memories always sustain you and your wildest dreams come true.

God speed.

haylee

J at www.jellyjules.com said...

Congratulations on getting through this next step. Best wishes for a happy Thanksgiving.

Jeanette said...

You are doing the right thing. You do what you have to to move on. Good luck selling your house.

Laurie said...

Laura,

Change is always hard and full of so many emotions, good and bad. I honestly feel that you did not make this decision lightly and that once you are settled into your new home, you will be able to breath again and live life for yourself and your kids. A fresh start in a new location, a few new friends that you won't have to tiptoe around, no expectations, free to be your wonderful self that you are becoming. A thousand or so miles from nagging guilt that is not yours to carry. I am praying that you are moved in and at peace by Christmas. I am proud of you and the steps you are taking. I just hope you stay in touch here and let us know how you are from time to time.

Love and Hope, Laurie in Ca.

Rach said...

Hi Darlin',

I'm late the party but I wanted to tell you congratulations and let you know I keep you so close in my thoughts and prayers. I hope this move is everything you want and NEED it to be.

Many HUGS!

Kathy said...

Hello Laura,
Thinking about you and hoping that all is going as smoothly as can be.
Blog as you are abl; I am praying that this next step brings you some peace.
Hugs and prayers, Kathy

Betts4 said...

I miss your posts, but understand that life is keeping you busy! I hope the closing went well and the moving will make for an exciting new year!
Hugs!

artemisia said...

How are you doing? How did everything go? I am thinking of you.

Angie said...

I found a new blog you might like
http://diaryofadisgruntleddispatcher.blogspot.com/ ;-)