Thursday, September 13, 2007

I Love you Forever, Mom...

My son went over to his cousin's house after school to spend some time with him and also with my brother in law. I think it helps them both. I went to Staples with my daughter to replace yet another digital camera that had fallen victim to my klutziness. I have busted three cameras by dropping them in the course of my career as an appraiser. You'd think I would learn.

James always does "better" when he spends time with his Uncle and cousin. I have a tough time being there because, well, because everything reminds me of Leonard and good times we had and then the crushing feeling that he's just not coming back. I was talking with my brother in law about this. About how it feels so nice to be together and talk about him, and yet it hurts when I leave. I feel so bad for him. He lost his brother, his buffer, his best friend.

My daughter keeps telling me to stop crying, feel better, "I miss my Mom"... She is 17 so I reasoned with her that it will take time, if ever, for me to feel "happy" again. I worry because I don't think she has even faced this event yet.

I have gone back to work. But I work from home so it wasn't really too difficult to attempt a return. I do find the smallest task is hard to do. It is hard to concentrate on my clients when I am in the field. It is hard to drive the truck that my husband was so delighted with. I used to beg him to switch vehicles with me. To drive the Yukon and enjoy it. He never really did. I wish he had.


The best part of today??? A little sticker that my son made for me at his cousin's house. On it are the words "I love you forever, Mom"...and a bunch of heart stickers. My little nephew also made me two stickers. I will put all three on my clipboard. He also gave a blank one so I could make one of my own. I love their little ways of trying to take care of people. Daddy/Uncle would be so proud.

9 comments:

Tessie said...

Hang in there.

I feel like my comments are so repetitive and possibly not helpful, but I just wanted you to know I was reading.

MrsGrumpy said...

I appreciate being thought of more than you will ever guess. It helps anchor me on days where I feel like I could just slip away. The comments and concern have meant a lot to me. And thank you for reading... I am so afraid that he will be forgotten.

Laurie said...

Hi, I want you to know that what you are going through matters to me too and I check in on you each day since I found you. Sweetie, Leonard will never be forgotten, the memories will just become more embedded and sweet as the days continue forward in your journey. It is just so new and I feel you have barely had time to catch your breath. Just take time for yourself to do what you need to do for you during this time, and not worry what anyone else might think is the right way for you to miss him. I pray that God gives you the needed strength and peace for each new day to help you through. I am so sorry that you are having to face these things at such a young age. It seems so unfair and it is. I always tell my husband that I love him, but you have taught me to say it even more. I will continue to pray for you and your children to each find their own way, together through this. Hoping you have a good and restful weekend. Love, Laurie in Ca.

Gina said...

I think it is going to be such a help to you all that you are so close and so loving. I think of you often.

Dan said...

A little sticker that my son made for me at his cousin's house.

That's wonderful. Your son sounds like a great little kid! Happy weekend!

rachd said...

I can promise you Leonard won't be forgotten, just like my Monkey won't be forgotten. I think about you all the time and pray for you constantly.

I'm sure Hannah has found yet another man to wrap around her little finger, as Leonard seems like the kind of guy who would be completely enraptured by little kids. :o)

Big fat HUGS tonight!

MrsGrumpy said...

Thank you Laurie, and Gina and Dan... This is the loneliest feeling on earth, and you make me feel not as lonely. This blog is all I have to keep me sane.

rachd, thank you so very much. I can't thank you enough. I cannot get the image of him alone out of my head...and you have eased that today. You are a dear and wonderful woman. Thank you for being a friend.

rachd said...

Oh, honey, we'll get through this sorrow and grief together. I'm so so sorry you have ride this roller coaster too.

I highly recommend continuing to journal through your blog. It has helped me SO much. HUGS again, and know that it helps me to think of Han with someone else to snuggle up to. :o)

Angie said...

It has been 2 years since my father died suddenly, unexpectedly on his way to a golf outing. I recently said the same thing to my mother..that I miss my mom. It's as if she died with him that day, and I lost both my parents. I can't imagine how lonely it is to lose, your partner, your best friend, but after the shock wears off, try to find moments to smile with your kids. They are going to need it. Big hugs and prayers sent to you and your children.