I am happy for Giants fans. But I am in a selfish, sad for myself state. I realize that this is the first time in 15 years I have not shared this (this which many of you will think silly) day with my husband. The first I have not put weenies in the Packers crock pot with barbecue sauce, or made a dip, or sliced cheese and salami. Last year came awful close, with Leonard going to a Super Bowl poker (the boy loved poker) party...but he was home by the half. And I was bummed last year. Never realizing how much more bummed I could be.
I am having difficulty imagining a future-even a tomorrow-without him. It is what it is and I'm still not looking forward to things being "different" if not better. Simply, as I've said 543345 times... I don't want to do this. Even though I have to.
Each day I say, at least 3 times, Please come back to me Leonard. Only that is impossible. Because Fate doesn't allow those kinds of things to happen. Unless you are Denzel Washington in a movie about being able to mess with time. How I wish I could mess with time.
I didn't watch much of the game tonight because, each time I turned it on, I dissolved into tears. This season started with Leonard, and watching the preseason games. It ended without him. And yet I am stuck here. We didn't get to die on the same day like I had always hoped. That life is gone now.