Thursday, February 7, 2008

When Plans Fall Through...

First, it was a friend that was going to come for a quick visit this weekend. She isn't feeling well and can't make it. We are sad, but we also know we can see her another weekend (hopefully) this month. Then our big plans, our getaway, fell through... and it sometimes seems like nothing is ever destined to go right again.

We were going to go to the East Coast to get away next week. To visit friends. We were supposed to go to their wedding in September...and then, well you know and I don't want to type it again right now. Then, we were going to visit after Christmas and Nicole got sick. So I thought mid winter break would be a good idea. But, unforseen plans popped up for them and I completely understand. I'm just heartbroken and too tired into looking into anything else.

I am beginning to think that perhaps I shouldn't plan for anything.

Maybe tomorrow I will wake up and things will look better and I'll be able to plan something really quick. James was especially looking forward to a trip and I can't break his heart.

And I am letting myself think about things, little things, that I shouldn't be. I make it through the entire day and the, when night comes, the tears just don't stop... and the memories (how will they ever be happy without him to reminisce with?) intrude. I am so tired.

9 comments:

red tin heart said...

Dear Laura, it is so hard isn't it? I got up today to listen to the phone messages just to hear John's voice..
I really do need your friendship.. You know what I am going through. And thank you for being there. love nita

Kesha said...

Laura, I'm so sorry your plans fell through. Hopefully something will come along that turns out to be a wonderful getaway.

Always thinking of you and the children.

with love
kesha.

Kathy said...

Somewhere warm and sunny? How about your brothers in California? But that'd be tough with such short notice. How is Nicole doing these days? Up to 'par' yet?

Courtney said...

I'm sorry your plans fell through. The disappointment at a time like this must be huge. I wish I could help you. If there is anything please let me know. Btw, your comment yesterday was kind and I appreciated it! Hugs to you and I hope you have the best day you can have.

TGLB said...

Dear Laura,

Please don't get caught up in "should" and "shouldn't," or in judging your grieving or what you're "supposed" to be doing. The thoughts and memories are not intrusions; they're the grieving. Grieving IS healing, and you have to lean into it and feel it, even though it hurts. It's not going to hurt less later, and it will wait for you. Bless your heart for worrying about James' broken heart regarding this trip; but please take care of your broken heart, too. You're tired. Don't feel bad about resting.

Love and hugs.

Anonymous said...

Niagara Falls. It's only a four hour drive. They still do the light show at night and the falls are spectacular with the ice and snow. You could get a room with a view of the falls (the Sheraton on Clifton Hill has great views) and just take it easy and enjoy the change of scenery.

Jess T said...

East coast? Hmm??? Where? :)

Take care

Kathy said...

Niagra Falls is a great idea!

Sarah said...

I've heard from so many people that the numbness of grief is so much better than the subsequent pain. I'm so sorry. Just keep making it one more day. Then get up the next morning and do it again...