Friday, June 20, 2008

Busy and Baseball...replaying my life

It's been busy. Okay, not really busy, but James did have 2 games this week. So that's my excuse. 4 RBI's and 4 great plays at 1st base for him. They played under the lights and he really enjoyed that.

Otherwise, I've been wasting time-going over events, again and again and a thousand times again. Thinking of the one little thing that I shouldn't have done that Thursday evening. But really...where does it get me? Not very far.


Nance said...

No, it doesn't. But at least you know that.

Melissa said...

When you finally get that it wasnt anything YOU did, then you will have gotten somewhere.

Until then, much hugs and love.

Marshamlow said...

playing ball under the lights. that sounds like so much fun. I go over things in my head again and again too. Just a few days ago I was caught up in all the anger from a work related incedent over 10 years ago. I have no idea what brought it on, sometimes it is hard to let go of crap like that.

Jeanette said...

I used to love watching my son play baseball! I hope you have a peaceful weekend.

Rach said...

Woo hoo! Go James.

I've discovered the what-if game is so futile. It changes nothing and leaves me feeling like crap. I hope you are able to cut yourself some slack, Friend, as it truly *wasn't* your fault.


Kathy said...

Hi Laura!
Thinking of you and sending you good thoughts.

Betts4 said...

I do the 'what could I do different' thought pattern also. Or maybe it's more the 'why dids and why didn't I's'.
why did I push him to get a new job, to get a new place to live, to commute more and do more and why didn't I just let him relax more....

There's a point where your head get so tight like a vise because it is all so crazy. Wondering, saying and beating yourself up over things that you can't change won't bring him back. God it hurts and it really really really sucks. All you want is a second chance and we aren't allowed that.

What we can do is make the most of the memories of our lost loved ones. To remember the things that made us smile, laugh and giggle. I know you and Leonard must have giggled at some point. Remember that and be glad that you had that moment.

I know this is hard. Sending Hugs.

Courtney said...

I second Melissa. Hang in there sweetie there is nothing you could have done to change his mind either way!

Anonymous said...

ask God to wash your heart clean of any guilt that you feel..
it wasn't your fault!

J at said...

My mom passed away last weekend, and I've been playing this 'what if' game some too. What if we hadn't sent her to the care facility, what if I had understood her limitations better, that kind of thing. And it breaks my heart and makes me miserable, and then when I come to, she's still gone. Still gone.

Kathy said...

Hi Laura.
Missing you and hoping you are hanging on.