Arrggghhh...But, I'm getting better at it.
This morning we went over to my mother's house to say goodbye to my cousin, his wife and kids. They were here from Wisconsin to pick up Grandma and take her back for a two week visit. I am glad she is doing this. She is so healthy and spends so much time behaving as if she is frail. At 84, you'd be stunned at how well she moves. She was looking forward to it and I hope she doesn't cause too much trouble for them while she's there. It is, at times, like dealing with a 6 year old.
We took them out to lunch at Big Boys. Their oldest boy K. (11 and very close with James whenever they get a, a not so often, chance to see each other) always wants to go there when they come over because Wisconsin doesn't have Big Boys anymore. Last year, when we went for dinner, Leonard bought them all a Big Boy bank. This year, they had bobble heads for sale so I bought each of the kids one... It was sad, and yet funny, because their youngest son (also a K) brought us a twist tie and said,"I took it off so it wouldn't kill him... But keep it handy, just in case he attacks you." I swear, where do kids come up with the imaginative things that, so often, they blurt out?
Getting to the tightrope part. I spent most of yesterday and most of this early day with my mom and family. That should be nice, right? As I was leaving she said,"I'd invite you in, but I know you have plans." (insert huge sigh here) I was good about it, in part because I don't/can't care anymore. This afternoon was Nik's good friend's (like a daughter to me and I think I've mentioned her here before) graduation party. One, I told them I would bring wood. Two, I had asked my dad to come along to help me with the wood. The only thing I can think is that my mom must have driven by (a rather long drive just to see if my dad's car was over at my house, but something for her to do when she is itching to have a reason to believe I don't love her/love my dad more/am a poor excuse for a daughter) because she called on my cell phone some time this early evening. She did not leave a message. I noticed the call when I returned home. When I called her back I got the usual you-are-on-my-shit-list-now responses because I had been out with my dad. Short clippy, I hate you so much, type of answers. And, sadly, no I love you. So be it. I am a bad person for spending some time this Father's Day weekend with my Father. Sigh...
Suffice to say, I cannot walk the tightrope of trying to keep the terminally unhappy happy anymore. It's really too much and almost feels like a waste of a day and half spent with her. Moving far, far away seems so much more appealing.