Let's see...well... The root canal turned into a nasty extraction. And I sit here wishing he were here to baby me. He was so good at babying me, and so many found that so hard to believe. I miss him more it seems.
His birthday was Monday and I found myself reading the blog entry of last year and hating myself a little bit. I had put off buying his gift. Yes, it didn't matter to him, but it matters to me now. I can't go back and change that. It is...always...going to be about regrets.
Our anniversary would have been Saturday. I can't believe-can't make myself believe-that there will be no more of those happy years to mark off. Only one, one anniversary that even the thought of brings me to tears.
The other day, the receptionist at my dentist's office (we all went to high school together so I know them well) asked "What can we do to get you to stop this?" What can we do? I don't know. I just need him. God I need him-
-to buffer every tough moment with the kids
-hold me when I fall asleep
-listen to me and talk to me (God I don't want to forget the sound of his voice)
-make love to me
-be me...he was me...and I am lost still.
Nik's graduation party is next weekend and I have done the following to prepare:
And 100+ people are expected when I only expected to get a 50% return on the invites. 20 RSVP'd after the date of 7/10. There it is...and I don't want it.
I am going to do some therapy tonight and visit some blogs.