Saturday, July 19, 2008

My sweet daughter

Bows and flows of angel hair and ice cream castles in the air
And feather canyons everywhere, i've looked at cloud that way.
But now they only block the sun, they rain and snow on everyone.
So many things i would have done but clouds got in my way.
I've looked at clouds from both sides now,From up and down, and still somehow
It's cloud illusions i recall.I really don't know clouds at all.

Moons and junes and ferris wheels,
the dizzy dancing way you feel
As every fairy tale comes real;
i've looked at love that way.
But now it's just another show.
you leave 'em laughing when you go
And if you care, don't let them know,
don't give yourself away.
I've looked at love from both sides now,
From give and take, and still somehow
It's love's illusions i recall.
I really don't know love at all.

Tears and fears and feeling proud
to say "i love you" right out loud,
Dreams and schemes and circus crowds,
i've looked at life that way.
But now old friends are acting strange,
they shake their heads,
they sayI've changed.
Something's lost but something's gained
in living every day.
I've looked at life from both sides now,
From win and lose, and still somehow
It's life's illusions i recall.
I really don't know life at all.

Nik made a CD of songs to cheer me up this week. It has been hard with it being a week bracketed by his birthday and our anniversary. A week that I confess I'm not really "here" for. I am lost in thoughts and what if's-and then she gave me a CD she had burned. It has ColdPlay and the Macarena, Henry the Eighth (god what an ear worm) and a whole bunch of songs... and then I came on this, which has been one of my favorites ever since I first heard Roger Whitaker's version when I was a small child on a Sunday "clean the house" afternoon. I look at the words and realize how very appropriate they are and I wonder if Fate somehow gave me this song right now.


J at said...

The lyrics remind me, for some strange reason, of the movie, All That Jazz. Did you ever see that? I don't actually recommend it in your current state, or mine either, in fact.

My mantra this week (month, year, decade) is peace of mind. That's my goal. I'm not sure how long it will take to get there.

Starshine said...

I read your comment on Jelly Jules' blog today. I've visited your blog before, but it's been a while. I'm sorry for the grief you're going sounds like it's been a hard week.

I'm the Tracy that Jelly Jules mentioned on her blog post today. I lost my Dad 5 weeks ago, and today (after a couple weeks of feeling like things okay), I was hit with a wave of grief. It's so hard, and there is no way to rush the process.

I'm glad the songs on your CD has been comforting to you. Your daughter sounds like such a sweetheart.

Peace be with you.

Carol in GA said...

I read here often and not because I view it as a trainwreck. I am rooting for you, Laura. You have every right to grieve and every right to express your honest feelings. You've shown grace and dignity through one of the most trying blows life could send you. You're doing fine... I really know you'll be ok. Your honesty is so touching and I think you're an awesome Mom.

Laurie said...

How sweet of Nik to make this CD for you. Call me old I guess, I only know the version that Joni Mitchell sang back in the 70's. I think it is perfect for the time you are in right now. It may be fate, but I think your daughter knew your heart needed to hear and reflect. Have a peaceful weekend Laura and know you are loved for who you are.

Laurie in Ca.

Kesha said...

What an amazing daughter you have Laura. I am glad you are enjoying the music she provided for you.

You show such strength and beauty in all of your writing.

Hoping we can meet ... someday.

lots of love.


Angie said...

I am thinking about you honey. Hugs to you

Donna said...

What a Wonderful daughter...You're So you!hughugs

Rach said...

You just *had* to share "Henry the Eighth", didn't you??? ;oP

That was very very sweet of Nik to make the CD for you.



Courtney said...

That was sweet of Nik, but now I will be singing Henry the eighth all day! Uhhh to you Laura for mentioning it. Have a good day. Hugs to you!