As I have mentioned, I am doing all of my Christmas shopping online this year (I am sure with the exception of stocking stuffers etc...) and am proud of how far I have gotten. Now, I am stuck, as in the mother-in-law mud. I have no idea what to give her.
The funny thing is, I haven't seen her in weeks...and she showed up on my doorstep as I finished my first paragraph. And I still have no idea what to give her. And she does not understand that I am not competing with her in the grief department. I am just exhausted. I was going to make this a much longer (and possibly entertaining) entry but I have just lost it completely. I am grateful that my dad took up my invitation to stay for dinner and ended up watching "Transformers" with us, and I couldn't help thinking how much Leonard would have loved that movie. And then, because Tuesday night is such an awful television night, we watched the finale for "Dancing with the Stars"...and Helio reminds me so much of Leonard (at least his dimples and his dark eyes and hair) and there was a dance to "King of the Road". Leonard loved that song. Everytime I think I might find peace enough to sleep...there is his face. Only it's his face in my mind and I cannot reach out and touch it. I can't wrap my arms around his waist or fit my knees against his...or share his pillow. I can have all of his pillow now...if I wanted it.
I am really glad my dad stayed until 11:00, and that I had this to type...because now it is only 6 hours until time to get up. I hate this. I hate it more every day.