Tuesday, November 27, 2007

A little help here... and...Why did that hurt so bad?

As I have mentioned, I am doing all of my Christmas shopping online this year (I am sure with the exception of stocking stuffers etc...) and am proud of how far I have gotten. Now, I am stuck, as in the mother-in-law mud. I have no idea what to give her.

The funny thing is, I haven't seen her in weeks...and she showed up on my doorstep as I finished my first paragraph. And I still have no idea what to give her. And she does not understand that I am not competing with her in the grief department. I am just exhausted. I was going to make this a much longer (and possibly entertaining) entry but I have just lost it completely. I am grateful that my dad took up my invitation to stay for dinner and ended up watching "Transformers" with us, and I couldn't help thinking how much Leonard would have loved that movie. And then, because Tuesday night is such an awful television night, we watched the finale for "Dancing with the Stars"...and Helio reminds me so much of Leonard (at least his dimples and his dark eyes and hair) and there was a dance to "King of the Road". Leonard loved that song. Everytime I think I might find peace enough to sleep...there is his face. Only it's his face in my mind and I cannot reach out and touch it. I can't wrap my arms around his waist or fit my knees against his...or share his pillow. I can have all of his pillow now...if I wanted it.

I am really glad my dad stayed until 11:00, and that I had this to type...because now it is only 6 hours until time to get up. I hate this. I hate it more every day.


Marsha said...

I am sorry you had a bad day sweetie. I am having trouble on the MIL front as well. I was thinking of going to Oprah.com and looking at her favorite things page to see if maybe there was something I could afford. I think there are quite a few reasonably priced things to choose from. I was also thinking of sending everyone a big photo of me for Christmas this year, just kidding. Imagine your MIL's face if she opened her present and it was a giant picture of you, just you, her expression might be priceless.

Shari said...

I'm sorry that you are having a rough day. I'm glad that your dad stops in every so often to visit you. I don't get a lot of visitors. Most of the time if we do, we know about it in advance. I hope you get enough sleep. Take care. :) (((HUGS)))

The girl left behind said...

On the MIL front...have your kids make her something homemade, and put the whole family's name on it. Grandma will love it, and even if she doesn't, she dare not complain. :o) Maybe an ornament or something. Perhaps a special photo ornament with you, the kids, and Leonard, if you have a picture you love.

Anonymous said...

I think the homemade ornament is a super idea. Hallmark has some pretty neat ones too.

Is there a book that comes to mind that would benefit her (and by extention you) through a subtle message. There are lots of really meaningful bookmarks to be had as well. Perhaps some of your readers will have some suggestions.

Some of the earlier "Chicken Soup" books send good messages.

But ... like "the girl left behind said", MIL would have a tough time complaining about something made for her by Leonard's children.

My wish for you is a beautiful dream of Leonard to soothe your fractured heart.

haylee said...

Whoops - forgot to sign my post - again!

Emblita said...

I like the home-made suggestion. There is nothing better for grandparents than photos of their grandkids, and something the kids made for them.
I think every single one of us here would willingly take on some of your heartbreak and sorrow so that we could relieve you from the pain.

But barring that at least I hope that pain shared is pain lessened.

The Stevens Family said...

Oh I'm sorry you had another rough night, when you thought you'd get some sort of break.

Something homemade is a great idea. And like the girl left behind said, if it's from Leonard's kids, she really can't complain!

Michele said...

I think everyone is right on with the homemade gift, OR go completely impersonal and give her a gift certificate because you really dont need to be worrying about this right now. (BTW, I love gift certificates and I wish my MIL would get them for me, so I dont really think they are impersonal)

I think this grieving thing will be one step forward, one step back for a bit longer. I am sorry you are hurting.

Laurie said...

Hi Laura, I am so sorry you are hurting too. I agree with the homemade gift from the kids or the gift certificate michele mentioned is a great idea too. Either way, you are much kinder than I would be in this situation. You have your health and peace of mind to take care of right now besides just hurting like heck for the love of your life that helped make sense of all this stuff.
I am praying for you sweet friend, that you will find your way through.

Love, Laurie in Ca.