My proof that the day wasn't a total waste. My dad took me to Evergreen (a home and garden store) and, after much walking back and forth between the prelit trees, this is what we came home with. Fake trees are far more expensive than I thought they would be. James helped me fluff it, and I am sure well will fluff more because I see some bare spots in this picture.
I want to take a moment to thank you for your comments yesterday. I needed to do that...I fear the stigma... you wouldn't believe how it is sometimes. And I hate it. I hate that so many think of my wonderful, kind, generous to a fault, husband based upon that one moment. It is like living in a fish bowl. The hushiness in the neighborhood when I walk out the door. Or it could be me, but it really feels like it. I'm still me. He is still the wonderful friend, brother, son, neighbor, dad, son-in-law, coworker that he always was.
I spent some time looking back on this blog. I usually type now, hit post and then run like blazes. I admire you all for reading here because I can't read it after I write it. I don't want to think about it, wonder about it, deal with it in printed form. But I did, I did read a little bit of it.Those first weeks...I don't even remember writing them, but I remember feeling that way because I am still there. Only without the shock. Only the pain remains.