On the one hand, I am glad for the internet and the ability to do most of my shopping in my pajamas at 4:30 AM. On the other, it is really hard to keep track of just how much I am buying and keeping things even with the kids...and now we're at crunch time for shipping and I've kind of lost the desire to finish it all. But that would not be fair to the kids.
Nik is still at home. I live in fear of her getting worse, never wanting to eat right again, getting sicker...
I started this last night...and then the computer went all wonky on me (why do they suddenly shut down for no reason when they are brand new?) and I lost my train of thought anyway.
I have hit a brick wall. There is so much I should be doing and I sit here, looking at it, with a headache. I really, really don't want Christmas to be here, and I am sorry for that.
About the puppy. I went to visit my cousin (in law, but I am claiming her for my own because she has been so good to me) and see her brand new little puppy. And he is adorable and fluffy. He is a shitzu (sp) and he looks like an automated stuffed animal. He is all grunts and squeals and cuddles and waving little baby paws...and the puppy smell! He is delicious. And then, because I can't walk away from this, I realized that he had been born after Leonard. That he would never know how much Leonard loved dogs, and know that through gentle rough housing and belly rubs and baby talk. And the missing him took over.
This afternoon I think I am driving out to Lansing with James (and I hope Nicole) to visit my cousin. He is up visiting his sister and I haven't seen him in more than 2 decades. I was 16 the last time I saw him and we went to Kings Island together with my brother and his family. He was always the "scare you in the dark" older cousin... The one I was afraid of. I admit, at 37, I am a little afraid of him yet.
On an unrelated side note... I have changed my posting name from MrsGrumpy to my real name: Laura. There is a bittersweet back story to the choosing of the unsername, MrsGrumpy, and I don't want to give the readers here or the authors of other blogs the wrong impression. Perhaps tonight, or maybe tomorrow...I will tell the story. It had nothing to do with being married to MrGrumpy and everything to do with Spoonerisms.