Sunday, December 9, 2007

Need Vs. Want

I need him. "No you don't, you just want him..." says my father. No, I need him. Really, I do. He was my fix it man. Everything is okay when he is around.

I have spent today thinking of a million odd little moments we spent together. The day he took me for a drive, after my first surgery to get me out of the house and stopping at the Burger King in Imlay City...staring across the table at those devastating dimples. I was luckier than even I knew back then. Our wedding day...when he looked up at me, midway through his vows, and thinking how wonderful it would be to spend the rest of our (it turns out his) life together. God, how I need him. I need the day we went out and looked at that crappily built, but huge, house on 5 acres...the snow down my back whenever we were outside in winter. Looking at him curled up on his side, asleep in Krandall, while I read a book on the couch. Tonight I said,"Honey, it's time to get up and go to bed..." just to see how it sounded in my empty living room

No, it is not want...it is need. It always will be.

20 comments:

The girl left behind said...

I'm not really sure "need" vs. "want" come into it when you're talking about love. Love is the whole thing; there's nothing bigger or better.

I suppose I don't "need" my sweetie, in that I am surviving here and he is somewhere else. But there is this hole in my heart that never goes away, and it hurts. It never hurt when he was here; so is that a need or a want? I think I'm with you. :)

Sharpie said...

I think need and want are almost interchangeable at this point. Especially since both are so painfully out of reach. I wish I could help you bear this pain.

Know that we are here for you. Big hugs and Peace I am sending you.

rachd said...

I think "Girl" said it best.

Hang in there and know we're all praying for you.

Big HUGS!!

Sarah said...

What is it about their physical proximity that just makes it all better? I do think of it as 'need', as well.

You've been in my prayers since I started reading here.

haylee said...

I don't think need & want are mutually exclusive by any means.

If one is stranded in a blizzard, they not only want some warmth, they need it too.

At times, the need is greater than the want.

hugs to you & yours!
haylee
xo

Jeanette said...

Whether it's a "need" or a "want" doesn't really matter at this point. You miss him and your life together. Hugs and prayers, and time to heal.

Laurie said...

You MISS Leonard, you LOVE Leonard, you NEED the love you are missing with all of your heart. I think we all here understand where your heart is on this. Wishing I could take some of the pain away that I can only imagine you are feeling. Sending you (WARM HUGS) and prayers today.

Laurie in Ca.

Artemisia said...

This time of year has got to be so, so, so hard for you. You will always need him, but I am certain you are still drawing strength from him.

Hang in there. I am thinking of you always.

Jess T said...

I understand you. I need my Marc and always will. I'm so sorry.

Thinking of you!
Jess

J at www.jellyjules.com said...

It breaks my heart that we can't all have what we need. :(

Anonymous said...

I know that you are in pain and you are wanting to need him so bad that it hurts. But there is something I think we have forgotten that those kids right now, that are right there need you and they want you to need them too. Please for them get out and go to girls nite and try to get your mind off off things just for a moment, I'm not saying forget, because I know that that's impossible, but just get away for that brief second to breath....you and your children are in my prayers....

red tin heart said...

I wish I was there to give you a hug. I have read your story and it hurts so much to see the pain you are in. I am praying for you and your sweet children. xoxo Nita

Shari said...

I wish that this doesn't have to happen to you. There are soooo many people who are unhappyily married. You were very happy. I don't know what to say. As a mother, I know my kids need me, too. Stay close to your kids, for your kids, too. Thoughts, prayers, and virtual hugs for all three of you. God bless you all.

Gina said...

Laura, I'm so sorry.

Hugs to you.

Emblita said...

That was a beautiful entry- it really is the little moments that have the biggest impact. You had a beautiful life together- its a great injustice that you didn't get to have it longer.
Hugs
Embla

Woli said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
Woli said...

I think that any one who leaves an "anonymous" message is following their own agenda. To insinuate that Laura doesn't put her children first each and every day is an insult to say the very least. How dare you or any one else ever suggest she is not considering or properly caring for her family. As for girl's night, it isn't that simple. If it were merely Laura's friends, I think each and every one of us would encourage her to attend. It is Leonard's family and Leonard's mother. To look at the pain in each of their eyes and faces is too much. The expectation that Laura should say something is just too difficult and too painful for the moment. She didn't say never, Laura just said not now.

Laurie said...

I agree with Woli 100%. There is too much guilt being dealt out by some people and the last thing Laura needs right now is to be a sponge for this.
In the long run, this is much healthier for her and the kids to not be run through the spin cycle. It has not been very long and the shock has just worn off. I have never walked in her shoes, but anytime she needs help with putting them on, I hope I can be of help in some small way. This little family is doing the best they can to find their way.

melanie said...

Ah, anonympus posters on a blog/message board. I know their ways well.

Blue Eyes Crying said...

Hi Mrs Grumpy

Thanks for posting to my blog. I am still learning how blogging works, still cannot figure out how to add links and get the damned thing to look the way I want but oh well, I can fix things like cars and junk around the house so I am not totally useless.

Anyway, nice to have you as a new friend.

Ron