I half heartedly, hobbled around shoveling bits of it in the driveway yesterday. It was the heavy kind that, if you don't get it up right away, sinks into itself all slushlike. I waited too long. James helped, and we did manage to get the front part done. So there's that.
And...
....then...
I woke up to the news that we are up for 35 hours of snow, starting tomorrow afternoon. Up to 12 inches. Have I mentioned that I used to love snow? That it made me all warm and fuzzy and cuddle up with my husband-y? I detest it now. Give us some Spring already.
I am feeling,lately (who am I kidding, you all know me by now) really tired and worthless. I keep meaning to write a list of all the things I should do on a daily basis to help me get through the day with things to do. A good day is actually putting jeans on before James is off to school. I find myself wondering why is it the bank is calling? I answer and they are calling because, yes you sent in the payment...only you forgot to put the check in. Sure as sure, there it is, written out in the check book.
I appreciate the kind thoughts, the wishes, the hugs, the prayers. A lot of days they are all that keeps a girl going.
Nicole had her senior pictures (yes, late I am) taken last night with her best girlfriend. This is the girlfriend I have mentioned before. The one who is a daughter to us. They had a couple taken together and Nicole had some taken in her father's work shirt as well as a few with his senior picture. I chickened out of going at the last minute, claiming illness. Technically, I was not feeling well, but I usually don't let that stop me. I just didn't have the heart to watch. I think they will probably be beautiful... if I could only look at them.
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17 comments:
I say you should grab the kids and come visit me! It's warm here!
Sending hugs and thinking about you today.
Loving you sweetie! By the way, start drinking lots of orange juice. It'll help you...Promise!...Love you!hughugs
I always with I had something profound to say that would make you feel a bit better. When the snow melts you will have to mow. I don't know which is worse, mowing or shoveling. I wonder if there is a neighborhood kid who would be willing to do all the shoveling, mowing, raking for a couple of bucks? See I am incredibly lazy. Sending good thoughts and hugs.
I am so ready for spring too. I'm tired of all this snow.
I'm sure Nicole's pictures will be beautiful, how could they not be? I am hoping you will share some on here also.
When you can bear it, I'd love it if you would post the pictures for all of us to see! It sounds like such a lovely idea, having a picture with his work shirt and his photo. Hugs to you, my friend!
This winter stuff really bites. Maybe you can hire a neighbor kid to shovel for a bit?
I am sure Nicole's pictures will be beautiful.
Hugs!
I hear you...this weather is hideous. March is interminable, and then April is still uncertain. We'll make it, but only because we know we must.
Go buy a flower.
I think everyone is so ready for Spring to get here. I know I sure am. I am hoping you will find a way to look at and enjoy the pictures that the girls had taken. This was a good step Nicole took in doing this. I hope Spring brings new life and hope to all of you as you work together to get through this time.
Hugs, Laurie in Ca.
This snow is just ridiculous, isn't it?
I'm sure Nicole's pics will be beautiful...she looks a lot like her mom.
Laura, come here to Williamsburg, it's beautiful. And no, I'm not trying to brag.
Seriously, if you ever feel you need another getaway, we're here if you are interested. :o)
I'm so sorry things are so difficult. I wish you peace again some day soon.
HUGS!
P.S. I'm sure Nik's pix will be just as gorgeous as she is. Boy does that girl look like you! :o)
Snow? Grrr. Favre? WAAAHHH.
Bring on spring and sun. It's been a lonnnng winter.
That's the wonderful thing about pictures. You can take them out and look at them whenever you want. Or - when you are ready.
Laura, it is really starting to sound like you are on the edge. You need to get some help. You keep saying over and over and over that you keep wishing you could end it, or that your heart would stop or something. Goodness knows you are in pain and we all care and support you totally. But you need to persevere for your children. They have already been robbed of one parent. You need to be the best YOU you can be now. Fake it til you make it. Please get help or medication or something. Your scaring me.
Laura, I have to agree with anonymous...I'm really worried about you! I think what really concerned me was that you skipped the senior pictures, becuase YOU were too sad...what about Nik? t couldn't have been easy on her...Please, please, please get some help in dealing with this...none of us can go through life alone...especially with our grief. Your kids need you more than you can even imagine...
I guess your last two commentors haven't been paying attention to your postings, that you are going to counseling. Keep your head up honey, they mean well, I am sure, but they don't really have any understanding now do they? You are getting out of bed everyday, the kids are getting taken care of (you planned the senior pictures after all, whether u were there or not Nicole didn't miss out). You just took your kids on vacation. You are doing great!! Because you are dealing with it in your way, not anyone else's but yours! I don't think anyone else should judge the way you're grieving.
Keep in mind too that this weather alone would bring anyone down, but aren't you glad that we didn't get all that snow that we were supposed to get?
I say enough with the snow already too. I looked out my window this a.m. and there was a fresh new layer outside, totally unexpected. I guess I should pay attention to the weather reports. I just want to see a tulip or daffodil already! When we bought this house we didn't realize that the driveway gets ZERO sun and it has been like an ice-skating rink out there for most of the winter.
I do flighty things too, like I forgot to pay the gas bill last month and when I got it this month I freaked out. I am usually much more on top of things. It happens to everyone is the point I am trying to make.
Hang in there. Honestly, I've been thinking a lot about Hannah lately and I look at Ella sometimes and just know my heart would stop beating if something happened to her. And then I see my sister carrying on with life even though it is so damn hard for her sometimes. And I know I would keep marching on because I love so many people but it would be so scary and hard. I've also thought about losing Bob and just how that would change my life on every level. Just like Leonard was the other half of you, he is my other half. I can understand why you feel so incomplete. Loss of the magnitude that you and Rachael are experiencing is almost unfathomable to most of us. My point here is that the very fact that you continue to function even though you don't feel up to it says a lot. And the fact that you can write this blog and update regularly says a whole lot. Just keep hanging on and you let us know if you ever need more than just a comment and a cyber hug. I'm sure there are lots of us out here in internet land who would love to help in a more tangible way if we just knew what to do.
Hugs to you,
Jess
Personally I only like snow for a limited amount of time... right now the snow is waay over its limit. So I second the spring suggestion!
Perhaps with spring your spirits will lift a little. :)
Love and hugs
Embles
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