A woman and her son finally pulled off the highway-realizing that they weren't going to make it to Houston that night. Well, technically, they could have but that wouldn't be very nice to her hosts. They would have shown up at the door after midnight, not bearing gifts and that's just not thoughtful...no matter how much her hosts doth protest.
So here we are...in Corsicana, TX. We'll finish the last tiniest leg tomorrow. I'm pissed at myself for not keeping on schedule, and thus having it cost me.
G'night all...
Saturday, August 23, 2008
Thursday, August 21, 2008
A Misguided Meme
Shannon, over at Tales of a Misguided Mommy, has tagged me for a meme. Seeing as I have nothing to say for myself these days...thanks Shannon! I think I will take you up on that. Here goes:
The rules:
1. Link the person who tagged you.
2. Mention the rules on your blog.
3. Tell about 6 unspectacular quirks you possess.
4. Tag 6 following bloggers by linking them.
5. Leave a comment on each of the tagged blogger’s blogs letting them know they’ve been tagged.
Here's the quirks:
1. I cut my own hair
2. That's not to say I do that spectacular of a job of it. I do have a license which allows me to be this stupid.
3. I can spend an entire day doing nothing but playing time management games. Kind of an oxymoron there...
4. I am a master of the 10 minute meal.
5. I usually read a book in 2 days max.
6. I do better on 4 hours of sleep than I do on 8.
I can't think of anyone to tag so, if you want, have at it. Thanks Shannon! :)
Here's something exciting in Laura land, I have bought a new car. I finally traded the Yukon in and got a Saturn Outlook. So far, so good. I did not realize how hard it would be to drive away from the Yukon. Leonard loved that truck. The new car is Black Cherry. Almost black, but a little bit of red mixed in when the sun is shining. I bought a few of the "bells" (heated leather seats) and a couple of "whistles" (2nd row sliding seats, fancy rims) and was off. I was going to get the Vue but the Outlook called to me from the next spot over.
Tomorrow I run away, yet again, to Texas. I need to. No, scratch that, I have to.
The rules:
1. Link the person who tagged you.
2. Mention the rules on your blog.
3. Tell about 6 unspectacular quirks you possess.
4. Tag 6 following bloggers by linking them.
5. Leave a comment on each of the tagged blogger’s blogs letting them know they’ve been tagged.
Here's the quirks:
1. I cut my own hair
2. That's not to say I do that spectacular of a job of it. I do have a license which allows me to be this stupid.
3. I can spend an entire day doing nothing but playing time management games. Kind of an oxymoron there...
4. I am a master of the 10 minute meal.
5. I usually read a book in 2 days max.
6. I do better on 4 hours of sleep than I do on 8.
I can't think of anyone to tag so, if you want, have at it. Thanks Shannon! :)
Here's something exciting in Laura land, I have bought a new car. I finally traded the Yukon in and got a Saturn Outlook. So far, so good. I did not realize how hard it would be to drive away from the Yukon. Leonard loved that truck. The new car is Black Cherry. Almost black, but a little bit of red mixed in when the sun is shining. I bought a few of the "bells" (heated leather seats) and a couple of "whistles" (2nd row sliding seats, fancy rims) and was off. I was going to get the Vue but the Outlook called to me from the next spot over.
Tomorrow I run away, yet again, to Texas. I need to. No, scratch that, I have to.
Tuesday, August 12, 2008
Plans
I've made some decisions since we've last talked. One, I realized I cannot be here in this house for that week, so I am going to Texas on the 22nd. We will stay there for the week and then return home. Because Leonard made me promise that we (I thought, at the time, it would be all of us) would go to DisneyWorld, we are going in September. Classes be damned I guess. I will just grab James' schoolwork and help him with it.
Why do I feel like I am sitting here typing an itinerary? I guess because it's a "going through the motions", waiting for the next knot to save me, week.
I am also going to sell this house and most likely move to Texas, where there are no memories, I have a few friends, and can start something new. While I don't want to I don't really have a choice. And, on the plus side, maybe one more of us will turn Texas blue. Now I feel as if I've reached the blabbling, not making much sense part of this post.
James had a nice birthday. The bike I bought him was too big and I have to return it. We went to Hu Hot for dinner and I slammed my finger in the car door but all is well. No breaks...just a big purple mess for a few days.
Nik has orientation for Wayne in a few days. She wasn't looking forward to it until she went for her math placement exam and got a taste of walking around campus. There is a still a part of me that wishes she had gone for dorm life because I think it would be good for her. Trying to jump start someone who doesn't want to be is exhausting.
Why do I feel like I am sitting here typing an itinerary? I guess because it's a "going through the motions", waiting for the next knot to save me, week.
I am also going to sell this house and most likely move to Texas, where there are no memories, I have a few friends, and can start something new. While I don't want to I don't really have a choice. And, on the plus side, maybe one more of us will turn Texas blue. Now I feel as if I've reached the blabbling, not making much sense part of this post.
James had a nice birthday. The bike I bought him was too big and I have to return it. We went to Hu Hot for dinner and I slammed my finger in the car door but all is well. No breaks...just a big purple mess for a few days.
Nik has orientation for Wayne in a few days. She wasn't looking forward to it until she went for her math placement exam and got a taste of walking around campus. There is a still a part of me that wishes she had gone for dorm life because I think it would be good for her. Trying to jump start someone who doesn't want to be is exhausting.
Wednesday, August 6, 2008
Happy Birthday, Sweet Baby James
How could 10 years have gone by so fast? It was only yesterday, after all, that I was willing you to hang tight. Really, only yesterday. It was then that I was so stunned that I couldn't hear you crying (such a low little voice) and Daddy had to assure me that you were fine. It was then that he combed your little bit of hair and lulled you to quiet. How can that be?
You are such a fine boy. Sometimes given to fits of temper; but ,more often than not, you are quickly sorry. You are handsome and look just like Daddy did when we were your age. You are caring and so much fun for Mama. And you always try your hardest. Always.
But...
Don't try too hard. Don't take the weight of the world on your shoulders...don't feel responsible for everyone. Just be a boy, like you are. Just a boy.
And you're still my baby, especially when you're sleeping.
Sweet Baby James
James Taylor
There is a young cowboy he lives on the range
His horse and his cattle are his only companions
He works in the saddle and he sleeps in the canyons
Waiting for summer, his pastures to change
And as the moon rises he sits by his fire
Thinking about women and glasses of beer
And closing his eyes as the doggies retire
He sings out a song which is soft but its clear
As if maybe someone could hear
Goodnight you moonlight ladies
Rockabye sweet baby james
Deep greens and blues are the colors I choose
Wont you let me go down in my dreams
And rockabye sweet baby james
Now the first of december was covered with snow
And so was the turnpike from stockbridge to boston
Lord, the berkshires seemed dream-like on account of that frosting
With ten miles behind me and ten thousand more to goT
heres a song that they sing when they take to the highway
A song that they sing when they take to the sea
A song that they sing of their home in the sky
Maybe you can believe it if it helps you to sleep
But singing works just fine for me
You are such a fine boy. Sometimes given to fits of temper; but ,more often than not, you are quickly sorry. You are handsome and look just like Daddy did when we were your age. You are caring and so much fun for Mama. And you always try your hardest. Always.
But...
Don't try too hard. Don't take the weight of the world on your shoulders...don't feel responsible for everyone. Just be a boy, like you are. Just a boy.
And you're still my baby, especially when you're sleeping.
Sweet Baby James
James Taylor
There is a young cowboy he lives on the range
His horse and his cattle are his only companions
He works in the saddle and he sleeps in the canyons
Waiting for summer, his pastures to change
And as the moon rises he sits by his fire
Thinking about women and glasses of beer
And closing his eyes as the doggies retire
He sings out a song which is soft but its clear
As if maybe someone could hear
Goodnight you moonlight ladies
Rockabye sweet baby james
Deep greens and blues are the colors I choose
Wont you let me go down in my dreams
And rockabye sweet baby james
Now the first of december was covered with snow
And so was the turnpike from stockbridge to boston
Lord, the berkshires seemed dream-like on account of that frosting
With ten miles behind me and ten thousand more to goT
heres a song that they sing when they take to the highway
A song that they sing when they take to the sea
A song that they sing of their home in the sky
Maybe you can believe it if it helps you to sleep
But singing works just fine for me
Wednesday, July 30, 2008
About that party...
About time, eh. It was a day that will live in infamy...almost.
Because I am like this, I put housecleaning, shopping, cake ordering off until it could be put off no longer. Heck, I did order the tables and chairs and tents so at least there was that. Also, the food. The tons and tons of (hey, what are you doing for dinner tonight?) food. Luckily, I had a friend to help and we banged out most of the shopping in one night. Double luckily, I knew I was going to be a procrastinating loser about it so I had it catered. All we had to do (All...*giggle*) was set up the tables. Nik wanted orange and blue (wonder why...go Maggli-ooo). The tablecloths were orange. When I ordered her cake I put Orange and White down as her school colors. I am sure they were wondering what--? with that.
The day dawned bright and sunny, only it didn't. It dawned hot and windy and rain cloud threateny, which made me glad we had the tent which was tied to the corner of every house in a 5 block radius because our yard is small like that. I looked around saying to myself,"120 people..." Oy. But... we had stuff to do. We put the tablecloths on the tables, taped down the pics of Nik through the years and swiftly covered the tables with clear plastic. Only it didn't work out that way. We yelled and shook our fist at the wind that blew every freaking picture of every table just as we got the last one down. Finally... they were on. But we were getting close to people time. I quickly filled m&m bowls (it is so cool how, for "only" $5 you can buy a tiny bag of blue and/or orange m and m's...but it was Nik's party so...) and put them on the tables. Salt and peppers, votive candles, then I turned and told Nik there would be no wedding reception (I kid...). I walked in the house to finish putting together some salads, feeling quite pleased that we were as "on schedule" as we get at this house...and then a gust of wind blew up...and "crash, shatter...sh&t!..." came from the backyard. Every M and M bowl (about $50 worth of candy...) shattered, pictures whirling, broken candle holders. Little guy storming in the house with an "I am so done." I looked out the front window and yay, the first guests. I mean, I know I said 3PM but I didn't really think they would show up then...but everyone did, just about, and it wasn't a round robin with some going and some coming. It was everyone coming, and staying (I knew I should have bought the Summer Shandy and Mojitos). It started horribly but the day was really nice. I wanted his family, especially, to see that the children were doing okay, that I was standing and getting dressed and capable, still, of throwing parties. I wanted people to come to a house where, the last time there, pain was palpable and replace (at least a bit of it) with happiness. And that is what happened. And all of Leonard's aunts got into a water fight (childhood resentments anyone?) and the kids bounced on the trampoline and ran like kids are supposed to, and everyone raved about the food, and nobody cried. Okay, I did, but only in the bathroom...for what should have been. Nightime came and a bonfire was lit and the twinkle lights turned on.
Of course there are many side stories, including the one where my mother trash talked my father to everyone within earshot, that would make you giggle. Maybe I'll tell them on an "I don't know what to write today" day, but I just wanted to get this out there. That yes, Laura managed to have a party. She also realized that this house is not hers anymore...and the kids are okay with selling it.
And, for those of you who worry, another heartbreak and yet also triumph-I gave my dad Leonard's cellphone number today. His (my dad's) contract is up, and he was able to transfer his number to Leonard's SIM... it may sound silly and small, but it was big for me, who wants to change nothing. Leonard's number is gone, his contacts are gone, his phone...gone. Of course, his number is still where it will always be in my cellphone: AAALeonardICE. That is something I will never change, no matter how crazy some think I am.
As for the rest of it, what happened in the back yard, stays in the back yard, people.
Because I am like this, I put housecleaning, shopping, cake ordering off until it could be put off no longer. Heck, I did order the tables and chairs and tents so at least there was that. Also, the food. The tons and tons of (hey, what are you doing for dinner tonight?) food. Luckily, I had a friend to help and we banged out most of the shopping in one night. Double luckily, I knew I was going to be a procrastinating loser about it so I had it catered. All we had to do (All...*giggle*) was set up the tables. Nik wanted orange and blue (wonder why...go Maggli-ooo). The tablecloths were orange. When I ordered her cake I put Orange and White down as her school colors. I am sure they were wondering what--? with that.
The day dawned bright and sunny, only it didn't. It dawned hot and windy and rain cloud threateny, which made me glad we had the tent which was tied to the corner of every house in a 5 block radius because our yard is small like that. I looked around saying to myself,"120 people..." Oy. But... we had stuff to do. We put the tablecloths on the tables, taped down the pics of Nik through the years and swiftly covered the tables with clear plastic. Only it didn't work out that way. We yelled and shook our fist at the wind that blew every freaking picture of every table just as we got the last one down. Finally... they were on. But we were getting close to people time. I quickly filled m&m bowls (it is so cool how, for "only" $5 you can buy a tiny bag of blue and/or orange m and m's...but it was Nik's party so...) and put them on the tables. Salt and peppers, votive candles, then I turned and told Nik there would be no wedding reception (I kid...). I walked in the house to finish putting together some salads, feeling quite pleased that we were as "on schedule" as we get at this house...and then a gust of wind blew up...and "crash, shatter...sh&t!..." came from the backyard. Every M and M bowl (about $50 worth of candy...) shattered, pictures whirling, broken candle holders. Little guy storming in the house with an "I am so done." I looked out the front window and yay, the first guests. I mean, I know I said 3PM but I didn't really think they would show up then...but everyone did, just about, and it wasn't a round robin with some going and some coming. It was everyone coming, and staying (I knew I should have bought the Summer Shandy and Mojitos). It started horribly but the day was really nice. I wanted his family, especially, to see that the children were doing okay, that I was standing and getting dressed and capable, still, of throwing parties. I wanted people to come to a house where, the last time there, pain was palpable and replace (at least a bit of it) with happiness. And that is what happened. And all of Leonard's aunts got into a water fight (childhood resentments anyone?) and the kids bounced on the trampoline and ran like kids are supposed to, and everyone raved about the food, and nobody cried. Okay, I did, but only in the bathroom...for what should have been. Nightime came and a bonfire was lit and the twinkle lights turned on.
Of course there are many side stories, including the one where my mother trash talked my father to everyone within earshot, that would make you giggle. Maybe I'll tell them on an "I don't know what to write today" day, but I just wanted to get this out there. That yes, Laura managed to have a party. She also realized that this house is not hers anymore...and the kids are okay with selling it.
And, for those of you who worry, another heartbreak and yet also triumph-I gave my dad Leonard's cellphone number today. His (my dad's) contract is up, and he was able to transfer his number to Leonard's SIM... it may sound silly and small, but it was big for me, who wants to change nothing. Leonard's number is gone, his contacts are gone, his phone...gone. Of course, his number is still where it will always be in my cellphone: AAALeonardICE. That is something I will never change, no matter how crazy some think I am.
As for the rest of it, what happened in the back yard, stays in the back yard, people.
Something Plagues me...
I still mean to fill you in on the party, but you (well most of you) know me by now and how I am still meaning to finish my wedding story, our honeymoon story and a million other things so bear with me here.
Tonight, make that this morning, I am thinking again about internet connections. Not the wires, but the humanity behind them. I bring this up because of an interesting situation on another site today. As a mom, and a human, I was sickened to read of the baby killed by the puppy in OK. I am horrified that this happened and also so very sad for this family.
http://www.firstcoastnews.com/news/strange/news-article.aspx?storyid=114988&catid=82
Apparently the 17 year old mother has been hospitalized. As would I be. I cannot imagine the pain. Especially when one realizes this could have easily been prevented in so many ways. But it's too late. One can only hurt or (as I learned today) hate this family. Why is it we can sit behind a computer and spout off things such as,"Probably high on meth." ? It appears the mother and grandmother were sleeping while the father and grandfather had left the house. Massive miscommunication there. But, I really don't think it was willfull negligience. Immense stupidity, of the kind I was guilty of as a 19 year old, ending in a tragedy that will never be forgotten. Punishment enough, again, in my opinion. Why is it, when one expresses sympathy and asks others their intent they are accused of "taking something too personally"? When did we get to decide how we think others should think? Or did we? Is it just easy because we aren't sitting across the table from each other? Sometimes I think, at least I hope, it is. It also illustrates why it is so easy for anonymous commenters here on my blog, and on the blogs of others, to freely offer hurtful help. It opens my eyes. In ways, it makes certain things that are said easier to handle. I don't know this young couple, nor does anonymous know me. Usernames on message boards don't know whether a grandma in the background smoking a cigarette is responding properly or not. They don't know her. They only think they do. Or think they know the proper way to behave in that situation. Odd thoughts come to one in traumatic situations sometimes. I remember lying there, at the police station, wondering if I had turned the coffee pot off. In hindsight, in my opinion, it was my mind protecting itself from going insane...by using the truly mundane. I talked about this with my brother in law (my husband's brother) and he confessed to the very same thing. Again, a a mental buffer against a tremendous blow.
So, in short, I guess this is me taking my blog back from the hands of those "who know better than me". And in the words of a woman from my Sandcastles group,"Don't 'should' on me..." I know it may not make sense to you, but it makes mountains of sense to me. If anonymous, and/or username on a message board, feels free to tell me how to react, how badly I am doing, what my problem is, well then I guess I can feel free to not listen. Or, on those truly filter free days, defend myself. My choice, my life.
I'll see you in the morning..er...this afternoon, to tell you about that party. People tell me it was fun, and nice even.
Tonight, make that this morning, I am thinking again about internet connections. Not the wires, but the humanity behind them. I bring this up because of an interesting situation on another site today. As a mom, and a human, I was sickened to read of the baby killed by the puppy in OK. I am horrified that this happened and also so very sad for this family.
http://www.firstcoastnews.com/news/strange/news-article.aspx?storyid=114988&catid=82
Apparently the 17 year old mother has been hospitalized. As would I be. I cannot imagine the pain. Especially when one realizes this could have easily been prevented in so many ways. But it's too late. One can only hurt or (as I learned today) hate this family. Why is it we can sit behind a computer and spout off things such as,"Probably high on meth." ? It appears the mother and grandmother were sleeping while the father and grandfather had left the house. Massive miscommunication there. But, I really don't think it was willfull negligience. Immense stupidity, of the kind I was guilty of as a 19 year old, ending in a tragedy that will never be forgotten. Punishment enough, again, in my opinion. Why is it, when one expresses sympathy and asks others their intent they are accused of "taking something too personally"? When did we get to decide how we think others should think? Or did we? Is it just easy because we aren't sitting across the table from each other? Sometimes I think, at least I hope, it is. It also illustrates why it is so easy for anonymous commenters here on my blog, and on the blogs of others, to freely offer hurtful help. It opens my eyes. In ways, it makes certain things that are said easier to handle. I don't know this young couple, nor does anonymous know me. Usernames on message boards don't know whether a grandma in the background smoking a cigarette is responding properly or not. They don't know her. They only think they do. Or think they know the proper way to behave in that situation. Odd thoughts come to one in traumatic situations sometimes. I remember lying there, at the police station, wondering if I had turned the coffee pot off. In hindsight, in my opinion, it was my mind protecting itself from going insane...by using the truly mundane. I talked about this with my brother in law (my husband's brother) and he confessed to the very same thing. Again, a a mental buffer against a tremendous blow.
So, in short, I guess this is me taking my blog back from the hands of those "who know better than me". And in the words of a woman from my Sandcastles group,"Don't 'should' on me..." I know it may not make sense to you, but it makes mountains of sense to me. If anonymous, and/or username on a message board, feels free to tell me how to react, how badly I am doing, what my problem is, well then I guess I can feel free to not listen. Or, on those truly filter free days, defend myself. My choice, my life.
I'll see you in the morning..er...this afternoon, to tell you about that party. People tell me it was fun, and nice even.
Monday, July 28, 2008
What I meant to do
I meant to put a great header up there and tell you all about Nik's graduation party. What I did instead was go back through time and read all my entries here. Right now, my being went back there too. And I am wrong and it was wrong and I am just missing him and feeling horrible for doing that tonight (or is it this morning already), and I hate crying like this and feeling so worthless and lonely, so I'll come back later.
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