It's C-c-c-o-l-d in Texas

And I'm not talking about the "oh, your blood has just thinned out so much that a 60 degree day is cold to you" kind of cold. I'm talking about a "dang, its 38 degrees out and I haven't turned on the furnace and perhaps I should" kind of cold. Or a "OMG, it's forecasted to snow in Houston tomorrow" kind of cold. Take your pick. And I hate this kind of cold. I feel like I'm being duped. Yes, luckily, it is temporary. I hope.

My dad is doing okay. He's leaving on Saturday but we're not going to think about that right now. James buggered me into putting up the tree so we'll think about that right now. We'll think about that and how one of the kittens is being a very good girl about the whole thing and one of the kittens (we won't name names but it's Bella, the calico) cannot seem to help herself and sneaks over to first, sit under the tree, then, brush whiskers against the tree. This is soon followed by hesitant little bats at the ornamaments...finishing with wholesale, candy cane ripping, glass shattering cat attack. No, she hasn't climbed it-yet-but let's just say that I fully expect to wake up to that one of these mornings.

Let's Try Thanksgiving again.

I finally made a turkey this year. And we finally sat down with my dad, James and I, and had dinner. To say that it was a bit exhausting after the driving, and the worrying, and the...well, the mess of it all would be to put it out of perspective. It just was. That's okay. I am thankful that my dad is well (?) and here. The question mark is because he had an incident where his lip swelled up again halfway through the drive back down. We drove straight through and it is a bit disconcerting to have that happen, especially when the person experiencing it had been on a ventilator only days beforehand. I mentally kicked myself for the rest of the drive. I should not have agreed to let him come back down with us. And yet I am glad he is here with us.

So all is ending well. Which is something to be thankful (again and again) for. I cannot and will not imagine what my life would be like without my dad.

James went back to school today without even an argument, not even an "I'm tired, because you kept me up to late, fed me the wrong dinner, hate me and want to see me miserable..." argument. Another thing to be thankful for.

Thoughts turn to putting up the tree and putting something underneath it. Also, how to keep kittens from wanting to perch among the branches. I can just tell that these two kittens of mine will be fascinated by it all. I am hoping to jinx myself into something different by posting that here.

Going Home

That could mean so many things, but I am not sure if Michigan is my home, Texas...or no place at all.

Poppy is better. They are pretty sure it was a reaction to his hbp meds. He's coughing a bit, and swelled up from steroids, but otherwise fine. He is going to drive home with us for a week and then fly back. I'm happy about that, but also sad because it means he won't be down for Christmas.

It's amazing how many people we were able to see these past few days here, after Poppy got out of the hospital. My mother was mad because I would not leave to spend Thanksgiving with her and my aunt and uncle, 2 hours away, but I wasn't here for anything other than to make sure my dad was okay. I did manage to see her tonight. So, my name isn't total Mudd.

I am sleepy, disjointed and I am sure this isn't making much sense. I'll log in after I get home and have a straighter head. Thanks everyone, for thinking of us.

Helpless

It is always scary to get that 4 AM phone call, more so when you are 1400 miles away and can't do anything immediate.

"Is this Laura Harper?" "Are you related to James XXXXX in any way?" (not my son, my dad).

My father is sick. They think it was an allergic reaction to a medication he is on. Please keep him in your thoughts. He is stable and on a ventilator and all I want to do is be able to is be there right now. I'm trying to coordinate so that I can drive up.

What's That You Say??

James and I were driving to the mall tonight to meet a friend. He was flipping through the channels, and not finding much of anything. Hard to believe he can find not much of anything on an XM radio but there you have it. A few minutes into it he turns to me and says, "Hey, look! They changed the name to the Holy Channel." Say what? Yes, that's right. The Holy...er...Holly channel is already up and running on XM and I couldn't be more irritated about it. Really? Does this mean I can just skip Thanksgiving? Can I just tell you that I really don't want to walk down holly bedecked mall halls yet?

It was a good night. We met the friend, did some shopping (I'm not telling you what for because there will be more laughing and pointing of fingers) and then tried to catch part of my niece's basketball game. Okay, not really. We were trying to find her mother to give her something we bought her. We stopped by her house, and while we were standing there waiting for her to not come to the door, I remembered the game. We got there with 22 seconds to spare. I am a terrific aunt. I am a terrific aunt because I make other aunts look better when they show up at the halfway mark. Hey, I remembered...sort of...at least.

The "Black Friday" leaks are out...While a Blue Ray for $78 sounds fun, I think I'll be sleeping. I did "Black Friday" once and realized that, by the end of the morning, all of the things that I had purchased could have been purchased at noon for the same price.

Addiction

Heavy title, right? It won't be (in fact I'll wager you'll be pointing your finger at me and laughing) by the end of this post.

I have an addiction, it's serious, and none of my good friends can help me with it. In fact, most times they aid and abet me.

Twilight...or, more specifically, Edward. Full. Blown. Addiction/Obsession/whatever. Why? It's not the writing (not especially well written) not the movie (if Kristen Stewart blinks her eyes 45 times with each line in "New Moon" I swear I'll only go back to see it again only once...maybe twice).

I think it's because, and this is silly even for me, he reminds me so much of Leonard (no not the vampire part).

I submit:
1. First and foremost-the overwhelming need and desire to protect every single person he cares for.
2. The clothing. Back in the "day" (1988 to be exact) my darling danced to the beat of..strike that...shop at the stores of...no... he just wore different clothes than everyone else.
3. The attitude. Anyone who knew him knew that Leonard belonged in a completely different century.
4. A myriad of other things that I'm just too tired to write here (trust me).

Or...

It's because I've got a thing for Robert Pattinson and have ever since Harry Potter and I've just finally found a way to rationalize...

Anyway, there it is. The first step to getting better is to admit you have a problem. Except now I wish I liked the taste of alcohol.

Another funny side note: I was the woman pointing and laughing at all the people lining up outside of Barnes and Nobles at 10 PM for a midnight book release, and mocking the "lack of life there, people". I have become the girl who calls her TX BFF repeatedly to see if she's "got them yet?" in reference to movie tickets. Someone stop me. There's children involved.

Days Like Today...

...are the reason why I moved here. I can wake up, walk outside in my jammies (no worries, it's a high fence) and sit for awhile. I need to remind myself of that...often. Especially on days when the overwhelming urge to chuck it all and run again sets in. For I have been contemplating chucking. But I can't. I will do this. I must.

Whoever said that, in many ways, the second year is harder than the first was right. My absence here is indicative of a general absence I had for life...save for James, and his wellbeing. There was a gradual backslide again. A getting up, but not getting dressed. Writing the bills, doing the laundry (sort of), answering the phone (sometimes), getting together with friends (again, sometimes). The crushing shock of not seeing him walk through the door eased. The numbing, trudging, drudgery of the reality of a life without him set in. I handled it. Not well.

A positive is that I see healing in James. Gone are the mornings spent begging for a day off of school. While he still does not like school too much, he grudgingly goes along with the plan. He has friends. He has plans. He is a bright spot. He will be okay. This, I make sure of.

I am still trying to find ways to tether myself. I have temporary tethers: mainly the raising of James. He will grow up and he will be strong, and I will be proud to see him walk on to his future. And then what? This is what I push into the pantry and close the door on. Waiting to boil it up on another day.

We have had many visitors in the last year. As joyous as it is to see them walk through our door, the pain of them leaving sometimes leaves me breathless. Tiny little deaths strung along through the months.

Well Golly, I apologize for the morbidity of this entry. But the sun is shining, a new day has begun and I am still trying. I really am.