Thursday, November 15, 2007

Blue trucks and headaches

I start to think that I will never be rid of this headache. It has moved in and taken over. Bleh...

Thank you so much for asking-the cosmetology presentation went well. There were 3 40 minute sessions. The kids were, for the most part polite. I basically talked about the hours you need to graduate from cosmetology school, the state level testing, and continuing education for specialization (think makeup artistry, long hair styling, hair weaving). I then asked if there were any questions. Of course, they wanted to know if I ever screwed up really badly. Yes I did, but it was in cosmetology school and it was up to my instructor to ask the woman if her hair had been chemically processed at any time before the relaxer we were about to put in. (yes, her hair fell out. Yes the school gave her free scalp treatments. Whew for them that they have all clients sign a release form). I felt sufficiently awful. Then it turned to coloring/cutting/makeup tips. Yaay for career day. Then it turned to a discussion on Jay Manuel.

Life this week is horribly hard. Today was conferences for both my son and my daughter. My son's went well. He is doing good and he is behaving. My daughter's conferences had a horrible set up. Teachers positioned willy nilly with placards throughout the gym. Parents who wanted to spend 30 minutes talking with one teacher about the wonder that is their child, while I waited-head pounding threats the whole time-and waited, and waited. I talked to 4 of her teachers and then gave up. It is a long drive and I was fearful of where my mood was headed.

Each day is a very real reminder of how much I want him. How much I need him...how hard it is to miss someone every day. He, his face, his hands the last time I saw them, are always there. It is so odd how one can just exist. How long can one do that for?
Today, at about 3:30 a blue truck (the exact same color as his) pulled into the drive. My heart skipped a beat...and then I remembered, for the 3,459,324th time...that it will not/will never be him.

8 comments:

Laurie said...

I am sorry this week is so hard for you and am glad you left the gym before your headache turned your mood for the worst:) How long can one just exist? I don't have a clue, but I know the Lord is with you while you are here, and will be with you with each step you take forward. He won't leave you ever and He knows how much your heart hurts for Leonard. I pray He gives you sweet sleep tonight and surrounds you with His peace and comfort. Love you Laura and continue to pray daily for you.

Love, Laurie in Ca.

haylee said...

Dear Laura:

Happy to hear your cosmetology presentation went well.

Nichole's parent teacher set-up sounds like a nightmare. Surely there is a better way??

I fear the reminders will be there fr a long time but I pray that someday soon they'll start to turn into welcome reminders of when 2 souls touched in a magically way and they will bring you comfort instead of angst.

As painful as your memories are now, I just know there will come a time when they will be soothing and not something you'd ever want to forget - never!

Praying for peace & harmony...

Shari said...

I never considered parent/teacher conferences in high school. I only speak to one teacher, though they do see other teachers for certain classes.

I don't know what to say. The other comments are so good, I can't beat that. :) Just know you are in my thoughts and prayers.

God bless.

The girl left behind said...

My mom stopped going to my conferences after junior high. Don't beat yourself up.

I know that blue truck hurts now. But I tell you that every red Tacoma I see I see as a sign from him. It may change for you, too.

Hugs to you.

The Stevens Family said...

I hope you very soon will be reminded of him in a good way instead of being sad. I will pray for you over the weekend and I hope you have as good of one as you can!

Jess said...

I'm glad the presentation went well. You sound so tired, I hope you are able to relax this weekend with your kids. Can you maybe ask your doctor for some medication to get you over the hump of the stress headache? It can't help for you to feel physically miserable as well as emotionally depleted all at the same time.

You are in my thoughts,

Jess

Sara said...

I've never been here before, but came over through Swistle and just read a bunch of your entries.

I am very sorry about your husband.

I can tell you're a very strong woman to have held up this well.

You will be in my thoughts,

Angie said...

Almost 3 years later, and every time I see a white Jeep..I still look at the driver to see if it's my dad.
Give yourself some credit..you went to the conference, and to career day. With all that you are dealing with, that is a big thing!! Great job! I hope your daughter looks back when she's older and appreciates it (lord knows she won't now...teenagers don't appreciate anything, right?):-)