Sunday, November 11, 2007

From This Day Forward...

I remember planning our wedding. I think it took us 1 piece of paper, the kitchen table, a couple of beers for Leonard and 15 minutes to do...from start to finish. Luckily, neither one of us was up for the bridesmaids, the church, the coordinating invitations and thank you cards. We pretty much were making a 4 year long situation "legal". This was a man I had known since before he was a man...this was the person I knew I was meant to be with from the age of 22.

Our plans went like this: Justice of the Peace, inviting/bringing along just our parents and then lunch at a local chophouse that has/had been a favorite of Leonard's from the time he was a youngster. Then, maybe, a weekend away and back to life as we already knew it. We picked the date July 19th. The reason? Because there were only two Fridays in July that the courthouse was open for weddings and we went with the one closest to Leonard's birthday. Why? Because we really didn't care. I know, you are thinking that this is going to be the most romantic story you've ever read...right?

Leonard already had a suit. I needed a white dress. I wanted to be kind of classic Jackie O-ish, which is why I went with a linen, tea length one piece (but it looked like two, but that would have been too hard to do). *Advice for casual brides to be-Linen? Not so much a good idea if one does not want to look all wrinkly by day's end. I loved my dress. I loved the pearls, and the simplicity of it. I went to JoAnn Fabrics and bought the pillbox type hat, an applique for the top, a ribbon of pearls to border the edge (very hard to sew on with fake nails on the night before your wedding), and some netting, to give it the bride veil-y affect. I already had white shoes. Lucky me. Total cost=$39.00.

While at JoAnn's I also bought a yellow rose and all the thingy's you need to make a boutonniere. I made Leonard's boutonniere and he bought wrist corsage's for Nicole and I.

Everything, plan-wise, was going along terrifically. Until his mom asked if we could have the dinner somewhere else because she couldn't stand the chophouse. Fine. We just wanted to get married. And, could she make some invitations? Because it wouldn't be a wedding without invitations... Fine. We just wanted to get married. And, could she order a cake from this wonderfully snobby little bakery that she knew...because it really wouldn't be a wedding without a cake (I put the snobby in, of course...because they were TOTALLY snobby). Sigh...Fine. Because we just wanted to get married. And then...she went over the line. Already things were not going as we had planned. My brothers really wanted to be there. my grandparents really wanted to be there...We needed Leonard's brother and his wife there as witnesses. So the guest list just a bit. I drew the line at my cousins who wanted to come, because we were losing focus, I don't like crowds and neither one of us really wanted to be "on display". It was already getting an uncomfortable feeling to it all.

The invitations my mother in law made were really pretty. The funny thing is she made about 50. Hoping we would change our minds about guests, I am sure. I still have all of them. The week before our wedding my mother in law, thinking she was being sneaky, called and asked my husband if he could come over and "help me out with something..." He immediately knew she was full of crap and was probably the hostess of a surprise wedding shower...which we specifically asked all of my family and his not to do. Knowing this, Leonard put on his crappiest work shirt and I, from the looks of the picture, apparently didn't brush my hair. We drove up and sure enough...there were all of his family's cars. Our impulse was to keep on driving, but his aunt spotted us and we were stuck. While it was very nice to do, we could feel it being slowly taken out of our hands. We really, really hated the spotlight that was being shone upon us. That and the fact that one of his cousins had horribly bad taste and presented us with some really erm... scary pajamas/lingerie/porn movie costumes as a gift. Luckily, the afternoon went by quickly. I did get a very nice set of Corelle plates which we/I still use to this day but we were glad to have it over, and I don't think Leonard said two words, or one for that matter, to his mother the entire time. The other wonderful thing about my husband. Look in the picture at how he is feeding me a piece of cake without smooshing it into my face. I really dislike the smooshing of the cake in the face and he didn't do that. Now, the cracking of the Easter Egg on the head is another story. He tried that once...and only once.

I think that is enough of the story for tonight. One, it seems boring. Two, I am having a difficult time typing it as a history/was/he is not here anymore story. It is hurting. I have have spent a good deal of today feeling lost and I thought maybe this would help me focus. But it is having another effect on me and I think, perhaps, I should go to bed and finish this tomorrow. Football Sundays (because we really loved watching together and giving each other hell about our respective teams -He/Lions and Me/Packers-) are really awful. I can barely get up, deal with the children etc. when there are games on. I am angry that the Lions can do this good without him here to be happy about it. I find myself in a sad/irritable mood and that does not bode well for writing. What I really want to do is throw this computer out the window, scream at the children and walk as far out into the lake as I can. But I won't. I will just go to bed. Like always.

The second part of the story, the actual wedding, will be so very tough to remember and write about. It was supposed to be forever.


The girl left behind said...

Sometimes it's just best to go to bed and try again tomorrow. I hope you have a restful night.

And also, it isn't a boring story so far; I love it--it says a lot about who the two of you are, separately and together, and that is sweet.

Anonymous said...

Sleep well Laura. May your dreams bring you some comfort and rest. Your story isn't boring, far from it .. your love for one another lives on in your words.


Maya's Granny said...

The story of your wedding sounds very romantic to me. Someday I will have to blog about my wedding -- we did it on five days notice and, as my younger sister said, I didn't even have to wear a paternity dress. But it was so casual I'm sure you would have loved it.

Know that you are in my thoughts.

Emblita said...

It is a beautiful story, a fairytale of sorts. There is love, hindrances to be overcome and a wedding.
I just wish your happily ever after would have lasted longer

I am thinking of you, and sending you supportive thoughts.

Melanie said...

At least you didn't have Jackie's mom going bonkers the night before the wedding due to a cocktail of Paxil and Xanax and general nuttiness... man, Nicole looks soooo much like you.

Jess T said...

A simply perfect day! :) I enjoyed hearing about your plans and look forward to the rest, in time.

Hugs to you!

Misguided Mommy said...

it is so nice to know my mom wasnt the only one who had ideas about my wedding. i've decided in your wedding photo leonard has patrick swayze hair. and seriously SERIOUSLY why am i so fixated on his hair...i'm so damn weird

Kathy said...

Thinking of you this weekend, hoping and praying that your find some comfort. Thank you for sharing your continuing LOVE story. Hugs..... big ones!

J at said...

Not a boring story at all. It's interesting to think of what goes into a wedding, and how much is just what you wanted, and how much is what the parents much is just for two, and how much for the family and friends. Because I sometimes think the marriage is for just two, but the wedding is for everyone else, to give them a chance to celebrate with you.

That being said, your perfect wedding sounds lovely, and I like chops. ;)

I'm sorry you're hurting so much. That's it's normal can't be much consolation at all.

Shannon said...

My wedding was entirely changed by family, too.

I hope you had a restful night of sleep. I loved hearing your story and am looking forward to the rest when you can do it.


Shelly said...

Just thinking about you, babe. hope you're getting by. Be strong. : )

Laurie said...

Thinking about you today and wanted to say there is nothing boring about your wedding day. Not when Love is in the middle. I love the picture of you feeding eachother at the shower. And the picture of your Dad looking at you, his look says a thousand thoughts. And it is okay to end the story as the hurt came in. I hope today is good for you in some way, you are loved and thought of daily by me and so many others.

Laurie in Ca.

rbnyc said...

Thanks for sharing the first part of your wedding story. (Not boring.) I, as you know, can tell you that weddings never go as planned.

Sometimes still, my husband looks at me and I can see in his eyes that he's remembering how close I was to not being there anymore. Then I think of you, looking...and he's not there anymore. I reach out to my husband and I say, it's ok. I'm here. It doesn't make any sense. If I'd been hit one second sooner or one second later I would have been sitting upright in my seat and I would have been killed instantly. What would one second have meant to your family? One husband is full of shell-schocked gratitude. One wife is left with a hole in her life and friends that come here every day to read how she is doing, wishing the impossible for her, with her.

Thanks for sharing with us. We love you. I love you. I'm sorry that's all I have.

Shari said...

We all think our story is boring, but it's new and interesting to others.

I have heard of weddings that were meant to be simple and casual, but family would want more. I think your dress is beautiful.

Hope today is a better day. Thinking of you.