Tuesday, November 13, 2007

Say something...Anything...

I am not in a super writing-ish mood, plus I am a little irritable so this will probably be short.

Tomorrow my daughter signed me up to speak at "Career Day". This would be fine, because I told her she could. Only, I assumed (and we won't go any further about assumptions) I would be speaking about Real Estate Appraising seeing as it is WHAT I DO FOR A LIVING!!! But, no, she signed me up for Cosmetology. Yes, I am a licensed hairstylist/makeup artist. No, I am not currently practicing (except for family/close family like friends) and haven't been for over 12 years... Can you see where this is going?

I spent an hour tonight brushing up on what the requirements for licensing are now (which is a good thing because I would have completely misguided these students) and things like that.

I renew my license every two years because Leonard and I always figured it was a good thing to do...just in case. RA keeps me from ever thinking I would ever walk back into a salon... plus, believe it or not, I am shy. That is not good for a hairstylist OR a woman about to walk into a classroom and give a speech/demo/blank stare to a group of 15-17 year olds. What was I thinking? I'll tell you what I was thinking. I was thinking I would be talking about my real job.

Enough about that...Here are some things I could/should be doing right now:

Laundry-so far I've run the same load through 3 cycles because I keep forgetting about it.
Dishes-There is a colander in the sink with little bits of noodle stuck in it and I am too exhausted to use a fork/toothpick to poke them out.
Work-I should be logging hours seeing as the cut off for certification is in a month and a half...but I'm not even sure I can do what it is I do anymore. Every time I go out on the road I break down and lose it. Leonard was so exciting about our business and watching it grow. It was our baby. He's not here to raise it with me...and I don't want to.

There are so many things I don't want to do anymore. Thinking on it, he was in my every word, action, thought. Why did I let that happen? Because I loved him. And I start wondering if perhaps I loved him too much...because this is unbelievable and unrelenting... the need I had for him was bigger than even I realized.

12 comments:

Marsha said...

I wonder if your daughter thinks cosmetology is more interesting the real estate appraising? Good luck tomorrow. I am shy too, until I get to know people, then I am a bit obnoxious.

The girl left behind said...

"If you do not love too much, you do not love enough." -Pascal

Shari said...

Good luck on the speech tomorrow. I am shy, too, but once I get comfortable, I can't shut up. :)

Cristina Mathers said...

good luck tomorrow!

i am new to your blog and find your words to be very compelling. you have a loyal reader here for sure. =)

Emblita said...

Good luck tomorrow! And I have to wonder why your daughter would choose cosmetology over real estate appraisal....

Laurie said...

Looking at Nicole's picture in the side bar and then looking at yours, hmmm, then add in her age and all that goes with it, and I see cosmetology for her choice. It's a teenage thing. I hope it goes smooth for you today, by the way, is she still on retreat?
Motivation must be a hard thing to jump-start right now. And no Laura, I don't think you loved Leonard too much, just so much that his absence created a huge ache in your soul.
Praying for you today friend.
Laurie in Ca.

Misguided Mommy said...

is that your daughter second picture on the right? if so her hair is seriously freaking beautiful i would die for that hair. much jealousness here

haylee said...

Dear Laura:

No doubt most 17 yr. olds think it's way cooler for their Mom to be in cosmetology than real-estate appraisal - hence the "preference". Giving you a head's up would have been a nice courtesy however. You'll do fine -- just give an over-view and then open it to questions.

Interesting thought that one can love another to an excess - I really don't know. Probably most things seem magnified to you now.

Good luck on your presentation.

In terms of your business, are you able at all to "borrow" some of Leonard's enthusiasm in the interim?

Blessings & prayers sent your way...

The Stevens Family said...

You'll be great in that speech, I know it. I think the "borrowing" idea is great. Well wishes to you.

Jess said...

I am a hairstylist too, I stopped working when Ella was one. I miss it a lot and I think I was actually in my niche job. I am not shy, not in the traditional sense yet if I have to speak publically I am a deer in the headlights. I will also keep my license up to date, you never know when you may need to utilize that skill.

Good luck and I hope the presentation went well!

Betts4 said...

I laughed when I read the comment about your laundry. Well, I have done that too. There is also the 'just not doing it' baskets that build up. Dishes? well my brothers came to visit and I put a towel over the whole sink so they wouldn't see the mess there. It is nice to be able to share the horrors of housecleaning. Or maybe that should be NOT housecleaning!!
Hugs are sent your way!

Artemisia said...

I hope it went well!

Hugs.