I am not in a super writing-ish mood, plus I am a little irritable so this will probably be short.
Tomorrow my daughter signed me up to speak at "Career Day". This would be fine, because I told her she could. Only, I assumed (and we won't go any further about assumptions) I would be speaking about Real Estate Appraising seeing as it is WHAT I DO FOR A LIVING!!! But, no, she signed me up for Cosmetology. Yes, I am a licensed hairstylist/makeup artist. No, I am not currently practicing (except for family/close family like friends) and haven't been for over 12 years... Can you see where this is going?
I spent an hour tonight brushing up on what the requirements for licensing are now (which is a good thing because I would have completely misguided these students) and things like that.
I renew my license every two years because Leonard and I always figured it was a good thing to do...just in case. RA keeps me from ever thinking I would ever walk back into a salon... plus, believe it or not, I am shy. That is not good for a hairstylist OR a woman about to walk into a classroom and give a speech/demo/blank stare to a group of 15-17 year olds. What was I thinking? I'll tell you what I was thinking. I was thinking I would be talking about my real job.
Enough about that...Here are some things I could/should be doing right now:
Laundry-so far I've run the same load through 3 cycles because I keep forgetting about it.
Dishes-There is a colander in the sink with little bits of noodle stuck in it and I am too exhausted to use a fork/toothpick to poke them out.
Work-I should be logging hours seeing as the cut off for certification is in a month and a half...but I'm not even sure I can do what it is I do anymore. Every time I go out on the road I break down and lose it. Leonard was so exciting about our business and watching it grow. It was our baby. He's not here to raise it with me...and I don't want to.
There are so many things I don't want to do anymore. Thinking on it, he was in my every word, action, thought. Why did I let that happen? Because I loved him. And I start wondering if perhaps I loved him too much...because this is unbelievable and unrelenting... the need I had for him was bigger than even I realized.