James had a half day today. Yaaay! I only had to count off 3 hours before he was back. The house is so quiet when the kids are not home. He is doing so well that it lifts my mood when he is here, although I am trying to be careful not to put so much on his small shoulders. He is a happy boy, along with serious and sentimental, and I'm trying to keep him that way. I saw the damage that my husband's parents did to him up close and I don't want that to be our story.
I spend most of my time trying to either make time go backwards or speed it up past the holidays. I detest even running to Walgreen's for prescriptions or milk. The very stuff I used to love, to the ire of those who hate early Christmas decorations, appear to taunt me. Why can't we just skip forward (or preferably back) to summer? I thought about going to CA for the days immediately following Christmas. I have brothers in LA and I really want to "run away" again for those days. I would stay here, for the sake of my in laws and my children, for the actual holiday and then leave sometime after the 25th. But, my plans received lukewarm reception from my brothers so I am beginning to think we are stuck here. My son wants to buy a real tree again. Remind me because I have a positively hysterical story about the very first time my husband brought a real tree into this fake girl's life. I will share it sometime. We don't have the pickup anymore so getting it would be tough. I also dread seeing it, have no clue how to use the chain saw for proper disposal (which included my husband starting a huge, pine scented bonfire in the back yard).
Every year my husband would go out and buy one gift for each of the kids that was just from him. Picked out by him and purchased. Last year they were ornaments. A tree for James because "you always come with me to get the tree" and a church for Nicole "because you go to a Catholic school". As the years passed, I became witness to my husband falling in love with holidays that he had once detested. Moving from handing me something in a brown paper bag, to wrapping my presents and then writing on them with a Sharpie...and on to last year, a tag on every one. And he would want me to open them early, although I never did. And I will never forget the Christmas he went and got my old stocking (it was actually a Christmas-y pair of bloomers that were made for the purpose) and filled it with candles. Just that one year...because I always made him one. These are the things that I won't be able to handle as these holidays approach.
I am off to spend some time with James. Quality time. Thanks so much for continuing with your positive comments and your support. I treasure that.