Jessie says,"Happy New Year". No, I did not do this. My children did because, budding photographers that they are (thanks for the cameras,Santa), Jessie often becomes their main subject and she complies, sort of willingly. She was not happy about it and I usually don't allow them to dress her up but I made an exception. She kept it on for quite awhile too.
Can I tell you all now how much your comments mean to me? If I were you (which would be awesome because that would mean I wasn't me) I would have run screaming from this blog a long time ago. I read over that last post and it was a major "I love you/I hate you, come here/go away..." and I don't know why you put up with me and stay and encourage and care, but I'm so very glad you do. It gets so difficult to reconcile all of this. To make people understand that this wasn't a "typical case". As if anything is typical when it comes to losing your husband, life partner, love at the age of 37. We were still looking at houses. We had money in hand to buy land. We were full of loving and laughter and raising kids. Plans were being made. And Boom...that's what makes this so very sad and odd and just surreal most days. So, most days, I pretend I am somebody else for a good part of the day...just to get through. And, a lot of the days I don't like that somebody else, because she is rude and uncaring and generally not a very happy, fun person to be around.
Accomplishments. Today, much to the delight of the Mortgage Broker who owns the home, I finally finished a drive by that was sitting there, on my desk/kitchen counter/pile of paper for 3 weeks. It was ordered and I said,"No problem, yesirree, get right to it...and then all heck broke out. But, he is a great guy, let me give him an estimate and went with that until I could get it done. I have to be grateful for those people who are willing to wait on me. Unlike the idiot I work with who actually thinks finishing a rent study is tops on my list. Have I totally bored you with my completely boring job yet? A plus is that it's work from home. A minus is that I can't stand it anymore because there is Leonard behind every job, encouraging and excited about our future. I don't want that to be my future, alone, anymore. Again, with the oddness of it all. Our life is not my life without him.
Accomplisment two: I finally made it to the mall to get my new inserts for my Franklin planner. I used to get so excited about picking it out. This year, because I waited so long and they were out of "Blooms" in the classic size, I went with the ever exciting Original. Ah well, it's only a year. The important thing is that, this being only January 2, there were only 2 days where I had no idea what it was I was supposed to be doing. Since August, that planner has become my life because if it's written in there I do it. Not, I don't.
Look at how well Nik looks. She was not happy that I took this picture and will be even less happy when/if she finds it posted here. I don't like her looking at my blog, but I know she searched the title and has gotten upset with me. I will not censor myself anymore than I have. I have told her that 1. Pretty much everything I write here I have said out loud in her presence and 2. she is not an invited reader. Leonard knew that and most times didn't go looking for it, but I really have nothing to hide.
I love this picture of James. It reminds me of his baby face. He is growing up way too fast and I was a little teary thinking that this might be the last year he believes in Santa. That is, if he still believes in Santa and isn't just doing this to make Mama happy. I do got through some elaborate schemes to keep the magic going-up to and including having a neighbor come in our house and leave a small gift and note for him while we were at the store. He has been such a good boy throughout all of this upheaval and I would be in a much worse place without him.
I hope the New Year has started well for you all... My Family's best wishes for continued happiness go out to every single one of you who care enough to care about us.