Weepy

I am weepy today. Weepy because my eyes keep catching sight of things that remind me of him and our lives together. I began the day with a burst of energy, doing all those things you put off doing because they are icky and so you can talk yourself into letting them go one more day--and then the day comes when even you, yourself are sick of looking at the mess. I meant to keep going and get the tree down. Then, I glimpsed his face on one of the boards from the funeral home that were put in the basement and just left there, until I could remove the photos and return them to their owners, albums, boxes. I never did. And, a lot of times, I have to force myself to not turn them to the wall. I use the basement a lot and I keep my eyes averted most times, when I run laundry up and down. The left side of the basement is now Leonard's side: the pictures, his rollaway, his things that I cannot bear to see. After I came back upstairs, my dad and his girlfriend came over so I just kind of, well, stopped. At least I am dressed.

I meant to take the kids across the border to Canada this afternoon. To drive around and maybe get some dinner. It's gotten late and I'm not sure if I'll do that tonight or not. Maybe tomorrow. I do know that it is nice to have both of the kids home again. Even if they do fight. Even if I do tell them that they are driving me nuts. Even if...it is good to have them home, where they belong.