Wednesday, November 21, 2007

Home Alone

James is spending the night at Nana's (my mother) and going to the Packers/Lions game tomorrow. Nicole went to a concert...and so here I am. My very first night before Thanksgiving spent all by myself. I look at this picture and think of how much has changed in the year since this happy, happy day. My baby boy's heart broken, my heart taken away by this devastatingly handsome and much loved man.

Today I am wishing with all my might for a medically induced coma that would last until January...or forever, even, when I think about it.

I was thinking again about the phrase,"It doesn't get gets different..." and I realized I don't want different. I want what always was. And I don't know what I did to have it all go so very wrong.

Happy Thanksgiving to you all. I hope you are surrounded by family,love, and peace. For those travels.


haylee said...

Dear Laura:

I truly don't believe that people have to have done something wrong for tragedy to befall them. Life just doesn't seem to work that way. I am sure you personally know (or know of) good people who have had very bad things happen in their lives. Conversely, some people with no obvious redeeming qualities or who have done very bad things seem to sail through life trouble-free. I guess the expression "life isn't always fair" is true.

About 20 years ago, when devastation visited itself upon me for the third time in as many years, a friend gave me a book - "Why Bad Things happen to Good People" - which I found very insightful and answered some very similar questions/beliefs that I had. It does have a Christian base to it but even those not heavily into organized religion would find it helpful, in my opinion. No doubt your library has a copy.

It must be very hard to get your head and heart around being thankful this time of year but I so hope your many good memories take some of the sharper edges off your sorrow. I cannot imagine how difficult this must be for you and, quite frankly -- as I'm sure you'll understand -- pray I never will.

Time can be a cruel task-master - it sweeps us along and the passage of it reminds us both of what once was and what is now.

I wish you peace, comfort and hope -- one day at a time.

The girl left behind said...

You didn't do anything to make this happen. That's one of the maddening things about this--you look everywhere for answers, desperate to make any kind of sense of it all.

You'll be in my thoughts. Sending virtual hugs your way.

Jess said...

I just wanted to wish you a Happy Thanksgiving. I know the holidays are going to be so hard for you this year and I am so sorry for that. Hugs to you, Laura.

Marsha said...

Hang in there sweetie. Sending hugs.

Emblita said...

I agree with the others... even though it is appealing in some masochistic way, there are some things in life that you have no influence on. Shit happens. Too often it happens to the undeserving.


Dan said...

Laura, I'm sending you some serious virtual hugs this Thanksgiving. It's tough, I know. It's tough for me today too. We're all connected Hon. You're not alone.

{{{{ Hugs }}}}

Woli said...

You were my first waking thought this morning.

Please know that you will be in the hearts and on the minds of so many people who care about you today. Your husband obviously loved you so very much. I pray the gift of his tremendous love will help sustain you through this day and the next and the next . . .

My Gob bless you and keep, my His light shine upon your face now and forever!


rbnyc said...

I just wanted to stop in on this Thanksgiving Day to tell you that I'm thinking of you. Thanks for your warm wishes to us all.

We love you.

Laurie said...

I don't really know what to tell you today except I love you and am thinking about you. Nothing you did caused this loss in your life Laura, nothing. God does not punish us for loving, but He does promise to help us through when life, which is so unfair at these times, takes our love away. I am praying for your day to be restful and peaceful for you, and that your heart comes up with a special plan for Sunday when you have your kids to celebrate with you. Love and Hugs to you today, you are in my heart.

Laurie in Ca.