My son spent most of the day playing SIMS. I am (used to be) so boring that I had recreated my little family of four on the computer. I can't bear to look at it these days. James has fun building the houses, but then, by the time they are built, he is bored with it all.
Nicole is out shopping with a friend. Window shopping because one needs $ to shop and she hasn't gotten a job yet. She's applied to four places but I think her availability counts her out.
I just got off the phone with my dad. Discontent, heartache and knowing there is nothing I can do about it. I am so happy for my dad...that his life is full, but I don't wish to partake in it. It makes the missing of Leonard so much sharper. I am sick of having people watch me cry. It takes to much energy to start the car.
My son really wants to buy a tree, like always, this year. I tried to talk to him about buying a prelit one. No avail. I don't know how I will shop, when I hate leaving the house and even using the computer (doing this here) takes so much out of me. I spent most of the day staring at the pages of Rhett Butler's People, which is supposed to be very good...but I couldn't tell you.
The comments from everyone have been so wonderful, and I wish I could spill everything that is on my heart here...but I can't, because of people who read this blog, and my own need to protect. I think some of the discontent comes from there.
I am so tired of day after day after day.