I always mean to go to bed early. And I never do. I never have, to be honest.
I worked "a teeny bit" today. I had promised my father's girlfriend that I would do an appraisal on her mother's house for their estate. I inspected the house itself today and will try and finish the report and the operating income statement (they are thinking of renting it out) sometime this week.
I am really dreading Thursday. It is the beginning of what is in store for us this holiday season. Leonard was really getting into the spirit of the holidays ever since the children came on the scene. Every year he bought something special just from him for the children. 9 years of Daddy gifts for James, and 14 for Nik. He has just left a big, gaping hole in everything. It bothers me because it doesn't seem to get better...or even become the different that people talk about.
I was at the pharmacy today, filling a prescription, and the woman in front of me was telling the pharmacy clerk that she was celebrating her 56th anniversary...and it hit me that I don't get to do that. I still have trouble believing that this is all real. And I get jealous. Really jealous. That was going to be us. I beg the universe at night to not make me/us have to do this.
James is going to the Packers/Lions game on Thursday with my mom. She wants to have a Thanksgiving Dinner there afterward, but James asked me if maybe I could make it at our house. I am trying to do the things the kids want-trying. I will talk to her (God, give me strength) tomorrow.
I think I have watched 20-odd episodes of "America's Next Top Model" this week. Someone (insert James' name here) went through and deleted a bunch of stuff on tivo that I was saving to watch this weekend. So...no ER, no Little People Big World, no Daily Show...grrr...