Monday, January 7, 2008

Exactly what did I do today?

Pretty much, not much. Nicole had a doctor's appt. today and will still be here at home. Until she drinks more and eats more. She lost another 3 pounds from last Wednesday to today, and we are not talking about a kid with room to lose.

Degrassi-The Next Generation has been on all day. I love the original Degrassi (it is a Canadian show that depicts the lives of teenagers. Aaron Spelling actually wanted to purchase this program, because it had huge ratings in Canada and along the northern border of the states. The show wasn't up for sale and lo, 90210 was modeled after it. At least the part about the teens. Degrassi is not populated with uber rich, spoiled children of ex television stars, doctors or accountants. They are just normal kids. I was happy to see the Next Generation come out because I had liked the earlier show so much. It addresses important teenage issues. Eating disorders, cutting, teen pregnancy, drugs, school violence, friendship and compassion without being over the top. Do I need to watch a marathon of it though? Not really.

I am reading on so many other blogs of horrendous flu-ish, sinus-y type illnesses...and am very grateful *knock wood* that we have, so far managed to avoid this. I feel like I am just slogging through somedays...and slogging up to so many brick walls. I am still suspended in disbelief so many times. I hate it that his face is always right there, in my mind...and yet I love it that his face is right there, in my mind. I don't want him to be forgotten, and yet I can barely think about him. That is if I want to accomplish anything. I am tired of people asking "what is wrong" when I get teary eyed. I sometimes want to shout,"What the heck is wrong with you!" but they are my family and I cannot do that. I start thinking that maybe it's me. I know that this will take time, a lifetime plus 12 to get over. I know that I will never get over it. I know that, if I ever do find true peace, there will still be moments of crushing hurt. I know that I will, at some point in the day, relive those days over again. And I wonder if a person can live through that. I have a son that still needs me, a daughter who, in some ways, needs me more and still I wonder if it is possible to die of a broken heart. I fear that. And then sometimes I beg for that.

6 comments:

Shari said...

I've had enough of the colds going around. Let's hope it makes rounds in another universe somewhere far from here. Better yet, the germs become extinct.

It's good to hear that Nicole is eating, though. I never heard of that show. Sounds like good issues.

Hang in there. I'm sorry you're hurting. (((HUGS)))

Take care and God bless.

Cherry said...

I adored Degrassi High! In fact I was asking a friend of mine if she had watched it as a kid, but no.

That was where I learned of one of my favorite girl names, Caitlin, which is now very popular. I wonder it is so popular now because of that show?

The girl left behind said...

I know it's hard to believe, but if you know all those things in your last paragraph, you have come a long way already. That is not to say there's not a long way to go, but you're doing it, Laura. You're doing it.

The Stevens Family said...

Laura you have made such great improvement over the last couple of weeks, you may not see it but others do. I just wanted to let you know that and also let you know I am routing for you all the way.

Artemisia said...

I think you are doing great, Laura.

Sunday I managed to watch "Something to Talk About" -- twice. Bleh.

I hope you guys manage to avoid the flu/cold that is going around. It seems once people get it, they can't shake it.

Take care and I am thinking of you!

haylee said...

Flu' & cold bugs coast-to-coast.

We're all down with it here too. UGH!

Laura, I am so sorry for your pain. I wish I could help - even a bit .. I am sure we all do.

hugs,
haylee